Monday, February 23, 2009


besides from my Obama praise I havent ever really written on this blog about my personal values or my true political beliefs, and i'm going to make a big whammie and have the first thing i deeply talk about, be about religion, my lack of and my reasoning.

first of all, i'm inspired by it tonight because i just finished watching "Religulous" Bill Mahers religion documentary. If you haven't seen it, i recommend it but look at my other blog "everyones a critic" for my movie review on that because i got more important fish to fry in this post! :)

i was raised catholic, my parents, my whole family are all catholic. i was baptized and went to CCD (Catholic sunday school) and i think for a little while i bought some of the "stories" but i dont think it was ever something i was apart of, i remember when i was a little girl, i dont remember how old or anything i just remember kneeling in church with my parents and i had just learned about praying to God and everyone would say "God will answer you, God will speak to you" and i told my mom "Mom, i don't hear God's voice" and she said "just listen harder" but i never did hear his voice, and i never expected too.

lately, and especially over the last year, religion has been a very though-provoking issue on my mind. I always toyed with what i believed in and i never really thought my answer could be "i dont know"

i have no idea how the earth and the solar system came to be, i have no idea how my body is on this earth and how it works the way it does (beyond science) but to me personally, i cannot accept that this God figure invented it because so many people believe its true. i cant just believe something because someone tells me its the truth.

I believe something created us and put us here, i dont know what. I dont know what happens to us when we die and i dont know if there is a hell. and i dont think anyone knows, now its very important for me to explain that i dont dismiss religion and faith, i dont frown upon it and say its stupid and wrong and blah blah. its just something i personally dont have and i truly envy people that do have faith. i think its a great thing to be able to have in your life and I think it truly does help people hold onto a life they deserve.

but what Bill Maher's documentary opened up for me, is that its okay to not believe and follow a religion, and he mentions in the movie that he feels more free not having a faith and i believe that as well. for me, the way i see it, is i dont need a bible or a religion to tell me whats right or wrong. i dont need a bible to tell me not to kill someone (which they touch on in a movie in a very interesting interview with a religious senator) i dont need a religion to tell me to live my life good and to do good things.

i live my life with good intentions and i live my life with good morals and with the thought of good deed.

this doesnt mean that i set myself all these really easy standards for myself of how i'm going to live, for the most part i pretty much follow the ten commandments. I know its wrong to steal, cheat, murder etc. and i would never feel okay even thinking about doing any of those things.

the most interesting point i have to put out there, God is well he's God-like, hes all power-ful, he is all knowing, he is all good. correct? yes. well then how do bad things happen in the world? the devil? well if God is all powerful why doesn't he extract the devil? why can't he prevent the devil from doing what the devil does? and God is this great guy but if you don't follow him or believe in him your going to hell, well thats not very nice. and if i ever believe in another God i'm going to hell. and as Bill Maher pointed out, shouldnt God be devoid of a petty human emotion like jeaulously?

i do admire and envy people who have faith, in a healthy way. and i respect them, and i think they should respect me the same. I am not bashing religion, im simply explaining why i personally cannot believe in it.

i guess my religion is good intentions, good morals and hope.

Monday, February 16, 2009

questional rantings of an insomniac

1. why can't i sleep?

2. why is there no light in the freezer? we need to see things in the freezer just as well as what's in the fridge, and to be honest, with all the ice, we need more light in the freezer than in the fridge.

3. my skin is very soft right now, but i keep touching it and carressing my face so i'm sure by the time i wake up, that is if i ever go sleep, that it will be gross and oily.

4. i had a werid obsession; well actually i have a lot of them. but the one i'm thinking of right now is that i never pull my blinds down, never never, i yelled at someone for going to close them once. why would you ever close the blinds when you have such a great view outside? plus it makes my apartment feel so small when you close off the outside world.

5. i would like to live in this building forever, change apartments sure, but i'd like to stay in this location forever.

6. i would never want to live in a house, really i wouldnt. i always feel safe in my apartment i used to get so scared in my parents house, even if we set the alarm. here, its just so safe and controlled access.

7. plus if anything goes wrong in the apartment; ie: closet doors coming off their hinges, my dishwasher breaks, i just call the mainteance staff and they come fix it. and they replace my lightbulbs!

8. lisa kudrow is actually a really great actress, she is fabulous at voices on Friends, when she imitates Estelle Leonard, its like wow! i'm sure only 5% of you know what i'm talking about right now.

9. i wish i had an awesome super brillant smile, but even if i whitened through the pain and everything i have unusually small teeth.

10. my windows are very dirty, i need to clean them.

11. i spill alot. alot alot. i never realized this about myself until i llived alone.

12. i need a bed, my futon is just a huge hole and is soo uncomfortable. plus i have a lot of negative space in my apartment, i need a bed with a headboard that way i can angle it across from my TV and use my futon as a couch; again only 5% of you will know what i'm talking about.

13. you know what my dream is? to design my own condo, like people designing their own houses but i dont want to live in a house, plus i love living downtown.

14. i dont like wood, well i like it as a material but i dont generally like it untreated and unpainted unless its very light, like a birch or a really dark like a mahoganay or stained. its too woodys and country for me

15. i miss my dog, sometimes when i wake up i still forget that shes not in bed with me, i think im going to kidnap her soon. i'd have more time for her than my parents would anyways

16. i live living alone, i've decided that i'll never get a roomate or live with someone again until the point of serious relationship for prospective husbands. i like being able to be messy and if i forget my towel before i take a shower, i dont have to be werid about walking out of the bathroom, i like to sleep in my underwear and if i dont feel like doing the dishes, i'm not gonna do em! but its more importantly about the fact that the brita pitcher is always filled, the cap is always on the toothpaste, there are always enough spoons and i know when i'm low on an ingredient, instead of finding out when its gone.

17. i do think that co-habitation should always happen before marriage (living together first) you never know someone until you live with them, and you need to be at the utter comfortabilty with your spouse that you can do everything you want to do, who wants to come home after the honeymoon, move in and have to censor yourself with everything you do?

18. i always think that sex before a marriage is a must, i understand the whole waiting for the special night thing, it would be pretty cool to be able to do that. BUT, and i know its stupid to pull stuff out of TV but on Sex and the City when Charlotte and Trey don't sleep together until after the wedding, find out they have problems in the bedroom and Trey can't get it up nor does he want to solve the problem, sex isnt everything but you cant have a sexless marriage unless your okay with aduletry.

19. i'm also a supporter of divorce. i dont know why its such a taboo in our culture, why should someone stay in a relationship and be unhappy? its not so much that im a supporter of divorce as i am a supporter of happiness. some people arent fortunate enough to have wonderful marriages for years after years, people change and theres nothing wrong with changing husbands.

20. i need a massage, the hole in my bed has killed me.

Friday, February 13, 2009

things that make me feel good.

things that make me feel like i'm a better person.

1. working out, you never really want to work-out, sometimes your on a kick and you're really pumped up about it and then you feel rewarded just for being pumped up about it so thats a reward in its own. but when you desperatley don't want to work out, when it would be easier to just lay in bed and do harmless stuff all day, and you work out anyways. thats greatness.

2. making a stranger happy. holding the door or complimenting someone and you can just see that maybe they had a horrible day and you just cheered them up, its so worth it.

3. being involved in the Obama campaign, I dont really need to explain why.

4. donating to charity, donating to anything! i dont need to explain this one either.

5. paying my bills online, it sounds werid but it feels so good to go "eco" (ecobills) and pay everything online and save the paper.

6. recycling as much as I do. my friends actually make fun of me because i recycle EVERYTHING, i wash my yogurt cups and my recycle bin is always 10x more full than my garbage. i will go through and seperate peoples food trash (like from McDonalds or something, and seperate whats been "contaminated" from what i can recycle) people may think its crazy but to be honest, you deffinitley don't feel bad about doing it!

7. making my grandmothers week. i was in town for a short while a couple weeks ago, i was by my grandmothers house so i stopped by with my friend. it took like 10 minutes out of my day, and it made her whole week she was telling everyone about it. it was nothing for me and everything to her. (well not nothing for me, i enjoy seeing her, but you know what I mean.)

8. choosing the redcross over selfish greed. i take these online surveys that you get points for and your points equal up to money, its not alot but i figure if i'm bored i'll do them, they are research studies so it's helping these companies out and someday i can cash in (right now its only like $14 but that can grow quickly.) but sometimes you don't qualify for the survey, (not the target group or whatever) and they do this whole "thanks for taking this survey!" and you have the option of entering for a sweepstakes of money, spin this electronic wheel for an "instant win", or donate 10 cents to the red cross. EVERY time i get this, i donate to the red cross, sure its only 10 cents but i could have easily tried for one of the more selfish prizes anddd the money they've rasied for the redcross is over 10 thousand now, thats alot of 10 cents!

9. taking people's recipets. now this one i have to explain, but i'm sure you'll agree with me. i find people's receipts all the time, sometimes left over on tables at restaurants or next to the trash can because they missed, and i take them "steal them" and i shred them. thats how people can get their identity stole or chagres on their credit card, now most of the time it doesnt really matter because the credit card isnt shown but still, i take it so that someone else doesnt.

10. this one is a little different. i don't squash people's passions. i think passion is a very important thing to have, and even if i don't agree with your passion, i'm going to respect you and admire you so much just for having it. even if your republican, i will respect you if you have knowledge and passion for what you believe in and what you stand for. (the problem i find with most republicans i meet, and im definitley generalizing because i dont meet a lot of republicans because i live in seattle lol) buttt many republicans that i've met don't have a large amount of knowledge and they have a huge lack of passion. the republicans i know, if they do have the knowledge they arent ridiculously passionate and if they are ridiculously passionate they usually dont know what they are talking about. again, this is republicans i've personally met. so i would respect you if you had the knowledge and the passion :)

Monday, February 9, 2009

future equals progress, and the past is the past.

this was a post i had saved in my drafts, no clue why i never posted it (it had a great title and was perfectly edited, well to Kylee standards) so anyways i'm posting it now, i'm quite proud of it actually.

why is it such an unusual thought to think that the future is what holds the brighter days? I think a lot of people like to hold on to the past and recall glory days and trips down memory lane because your past is the past, it will not change no matter what on earth could ever possibly happen. your past is like a movie you've seen over and over again, you know the story, you know what essentially happens but sometimes you like to re-watch, re-live those moments for fun and pleasure, you can skip around and forget about the bad scenes and no matter how long ago it was you last saw your movie, there are no surprises, you know whats going to happen and you don't have to be scared and on the edge of your seat.

but isn't that why we watch new movies? don't you love watching a movie that you don't know whats going to happen, i love sitting on the edge of my seat being so involved with the movie I laugh and cry and get angry. That's what life is about, sometimes we get unexpected, unfair curveballs but its what makes us who we are. in every movie there is a climax sometimes its good, bad, and ugly but its what makes the movies great and its what makes life, life.

now this is particularly contemplative over a personal situation that recently happened but i also think about it when it comes to silly things like technology. the older generation of vinyl records, although most embrace and love our ipods from the "wiki" generation (referring to wikipedia, i didnt create the term apparently its a real one) constantly make comments about "i miss those days" "it used to be so simple." but i have to look at them and think, WHY?

what is it about the "vinyl" generation that they think is so great? well when it comes to technology because i think i would love to be a "vinyl" generation when rock and roll was still alive, but you think about it. think of everything we can do now, i litterally just started to explain the whole process of DVDs, from the moment the camera hits the actors to when we see it on this plastic round flat thing, and it just sounds so amazing, it sounds ridiculous, so i had to delete it to prove my point.

the "vinyl" generation had their own invention independence and they were ecstatic and amazed when man landed on the moon, when the vinyl record became a cassette, and now we can do everything on a computer that has its memory, everything i'm writing right now, on a piece of plastic and metal. we are amazing people, we are an amazing world and we are only ever going to get better and better.

when i think of all the time the computer saves me, the convience of the internet, (which is my personal belief a small reason why are there a few more educated people walking among us,) the fact that i can email my cousin in scotland in a matter of second for free and i can reconnect and build relationships and friendships with people that moved away or people that i just met at a party. the fact that i can leave my house and not worry about missing a call or swipe a piece of plastic that holds all my information of the money i have in my bank account, its just amazing.