my werid quirks.

1. i cannot shower with the shower curtain closed, i cant even pee with it closed, pay attention to the next time i'm over at your place if i've gone to the bathroom, chances are I opened your shower curtain and forgot to close it. BUT in my apartment i have a see through shower curtain so i dont have this problem.


2. i almost never lock my front door, i have no idea why, i just dont do it. please dont tell anyone.


3. i love making lists, i will make lists when im bored of things i need to get, buy, want, do and if im going somewhere i make a list of everything i need to bring.



4. i hate other peoples mess, it stresses me out but i will let my own apartment get so messy theres no place for anyone to sit.



5. i NEVER shut my drapes and i get really upset when someone goes to shut my drapes, ive yelled at someone about it before.



6. when i do my laundry, i hate folding clothes and if i need to clean quickly, i put my clean clothes in my washer and dryer and they usually stay in there until i need to do another load.



7. i recycle EVERYTHING. i wash my yogurt cups and i always recycle ANYTHING glass..



8. i name inanimate objects, i have a triangle ruler named jeffery, a cermaic pig named henry bacon a printer named frank, it just seems so much nicer to call them by a name.



9. if i'm with people with accents, especially my scottish cousins i will pick up the accent really thick (and really well apparently) but i dont notice it BUT ask me to do a fake accent, i cant.



10. i always like my feet bare, flip flops are fine but heels or flats i will always take them off at any chance i get, i take them off at work and walk around bare foot, i know this drives Jo crazy but my toes need to be FREE! haha

Am I Blessed or Unfortunate?

Am I blessed or unfortunate to grow up in the era I have? I feel that at heart and deep in my soul I am a 60’s baby, totally hippie and all about the rock and roll. I get pissed because today’s rock and roll is nothing of the same, even the concerts aren’t the same. You don’t experience music the same anymore and it’s because the music isn’t the same. But am I blessed? I mean I didn’t know everyone rolling stones song growing up so I discover them slowly as I do get older; in restaurants, iTunes, friends, parents etc. I just recently discovered Rolling Stones – Beast of Burden and I wonder “how did I ever live without this song?” but its spectacular when I find a new song, instead of having the whole album in front of me or the radio playing it out so I end up hating it, I have new favorite and there is endless amount of new favorites for me to find for years to come.

But the problem that this creates is that I find myself attracted to the older generations, okay not the 70’s generation but definitely generations 10 years older than me. And I meet a guy and I flirt and he flirts and then I think “oh no, he probably doesn’t know I’m 20, he’s 30. Is that okay? Is it okay not to tell him?” I mean a lot of time in society flirting is construed as politeness and there is the breed of people called the “natural flirt” which I certainly am, im sure I’ve flirted with some 80 year old men unconsciously so I don’t want to just say “hey by the way I’m 20 years old and now you’re a pervert because you’ve been flirting with a child.” LOL I mean how awkward! It’s not like I’m dating these guys, but seriously.

I think I was officially born as a 60’s baby and just hung out in my momma’s womb for 30 years or so, because besides the new technology I would have been rocking in the 1960’s. My birthdate is not 1989. Thank goodness I made the 80’s I would die if I wear a 90’s baby.

The new trend that makes me feel old.

There is a new trend out there in the technological world, that new trend is FML. if you are unfamilar it stands for "fuck my life" i guess you could replace the F for many things like "freak, fudge, fitters" but in this case I don't think this works.

this new trend has been in a frenzy, I am so annoyed with it. it drives me bonkers, yes i just said Bonkers, I used it delibertly to pretend like I am an old lady annoyed with the kids and their new fangled slang. But I really am. everyone's facebook status has FML in it AND it is always stupid things. let me re-post to you what some of my facebook friends status that include FML are.

"round 2 FML... lol" this is in response to someone who drank a lot last night and is drinking again tonight.

"cant believe my DEBIT card got eaten by the ATM just because i didnt want to grab it back that very second! FML! too bad the banks aren't open downtown on the weekends!"

"Phone's dead. FML"

now in some cases, like your debit card getting eaten by the ATM that is a situation that sucks. BUT "fml" is hardly approrpiate when you think in the litterally terms, FML would translate too something in the equivalent of "my life is over, i cannot go any futher." so when you think about it "omg im drinking again" FML is hardly the appropriate response.

AND i mean really, when we have a war going on oversees, we have soliders fighting for us, people are out there dying from cancer and suffering from paniful illnesses, people are living on the streets, loosing all their money... "my phone is dead, FML" don't you feel a little...stupid.

Honest Love Letter Part Two

I have many bruises because I'm clumsy
I have never been in love, but I completely believe in it
My hair curls awkwardly, and my calves are really wide
I bite my nails like they are candy
and I shuffle a deck of cards "wrong"
however, I succeed in shuffling and one else can shuffle like me
I laugh at anything and everything
and I laugh in my own way
I idolize Audrey Hepburn more and more each day
as I respect Barack Obama more and more each day
I believe in giving back, to anything you deeply believe in
I'm a very passionate person
and I feel deeply for the things I care about
I put everything I have into things and people I care about
and you may not know it, but you possibly broke my heart once
I fall for guys hard and I fall for guys fast
and things almost always mean so much more to me, than they did to you
I hate popcorn
I love oranges, good ones anyways
I have opinions and they are strong
if you have a great smile, I'm yours
for that matter if you also play guitar, I'll marry you.
I love diet coke and I could possibly risk my life for not giving it up
I value personal time
I value time with friends and family
I hate scary movies
my imagination makes them far too real
I'm continually scared, not metaphorically, literally just scared.
I'm occasionally clique
and sometimes I'm sarcastic
but often very spontaneous
probably because I'm always very impatient
I am many many things
and this is only the beginning

Things I miss about the suburbs

1. the inability to walk all over town, driving even to run over to the store, the suburbs are saving our planet one gas tank at a time.

2. trees. i miss trees, the big tree's that fall on top of your cars and totalling them, that drip sap all over your nicely cleaned and waxed car and leaves pine needles all over the driveway and streets

3. big backyards, i wish i could mow a big lawn every week - or pay a mexican to do it. i can't believe i'm missing out on that, i really hate going over to the sculpture park that is maintained and groomed by some random person that i don't have to pay and enjoy a beautiful view every night and day.

4. political signs, the city does not have mountains of picketing signs "vote for mike carrell" i miss those mr-yuck-colored-green signs.

5. stop signs, we really don't have enough stop signs in the city.

6. backroads. i'm so sick of walking or driving somewhere in the city and taking the freeway or viaduct and letting it only take me 10 minutes, whatever happened to suburban backroads so you could take a whole hour to go see a friend.

7. being creeped out walking to my car at night, thinking someone is hiding in the bush or jumped into your car while you ran inside the house.

8. the non-existence of street lights, the city really has too many street lights, people can't hide in the shadows of the city and well thats just not fun.

9. bugs. i miss bugs. ants and rodents in my house, mosquitos and bees somehow trapped inside your house. i mean if a girl can't make friends with a mouse in her own house anymore, what is happening to this world?

10. the possibility that someone could steal your mail or your newspaper. what is with the city locking up your mail, do we not trust anyone anymore? if my drunk next door neighbour wants to steal my newspaper, i want her to have that opportunity.


geez, why on earth do I live in the city?

Rant for Obama

I am so inspired right now; I don’t even know how to explain it. I started getting involved with the Obama campaign again when my friend became a community organizer. It feels like when we first started working on the campaign so many years ago (because yes, I was one of those weirdo’s working on a presidential campaign before he even said that he would run.) but I have really never felt so much confidence in someone I don’t even know. I trust Obama to the core of every decision he makes, and this isn’t based on his voting record or his speeches, it’s based on who I believe he is as a person, (which okay I guess we realize who that person is by voting records and speeches) but I literally trust this man, and I would put my life in his hands, and I don’t care if I have to pay a few extra taxes so that our country, our economy, my future and yours, could maybe be a little better.

So I started getting back into the “campaign, volunteer” mode. And since I’m going on “summer break” from 3 weeks I’m kicking into high gear with malarianomore.org and working on the lupus campaign as well.

But the one thing I had to say, is a message to those “Obama haters” which I childishly call you “ignorant” You people that stand on the street corners of Seattle (yes the ones I’ve cursed out and actually yelled at someone on why they were ignorant.) who claim that Obama is worse than Hitler because of HMO’s, you people that complain about taxes and helping others. You people sigh what can I even say? You people, make people like me, very easy-going, hard to really piss off to the point that I will really show it, scream at you on a street corner. You people, need to get educated. :)

I have a lot of negative feelings towards president bush, and they were all for good reasons, yes granted the man is apparently smart, he did graduate from ivy league schools, your rich father can only get you in the school it takes your own personal brains to get you to graduate. But the problem with Bush, with me anyways, was his morals. He didn’t respect anything that wasn’t “his norm” he didn’t respect homosexuals, atheists or non-Christians, democrats and liberals. He didn’t respect the poor and he didn’t try to help them. Now we’ve definitely had worse presidents in our lifetime, Nixon clearly comes to mind. But seriously? Where was the line drawn?

Yes no taxes sound wonderful – but look what that did to us! Look at our country and our economy – yes yes bush didn’t put us there we were on the path, but here Obama is, only 6 months into office, and he is already coming up with plans to clean this up – why didn’t bush ever try? Because he wanted everyone to coast buy and go luxurious and although we all loved those nice stimulus checks, what did that do for the economy? Nothing. Just like they projected.
It’s like tough love for your children, and the thing that kills me is the only peoples whose taxes went up were all these people that could afford it! So why were you bitching? Why are you so selfish with your money? Is that why you have money? you never give to charity or help others.
I’m not talking about giving money to a bum; I’m talking about doing something productive and selfless with your money. I was 18 years old working on the campaign for Obama, I had barely any money but I donated almost every 3 months. Small amounts at time but that’s what his campaign was raised upon.

I just don’t understand how you people say what you think and think its okay. I’m not talking about republicans; I’m talking about Obama haters. Those people that would make me: the hippie “love not war” girl. Want to sock you in the face for being so ignorantly stupid.
Guantanamo, really? You think it’s cool that we keep open a base that’s not in the US so that we can legally torture people? We are the most powerful country and that makes us a role model, if we torture their people, they are going to torture ours. And even if that doesn’t change anything. Do you really want to stoop down to the level of these terrorist? When did we become terrorist?
And stem cell research? Why don’t you study it a bit and realize it is not all about cloning and it is SO important in the medical field. Every single person in the world knows someone who had to battle with a cancer (of any kind) an autoimmune disease they knew nothing about, tumors, ANYTHING that posed a risk on their lives. Stem cell research can get us closer to answers, can get us closer to cures, and you ignorant people think it has something to do with cloning people for the future and making women give abortions? (I know a TON on this subject, email me and I’ll let you know more.)

For the most part – I can respect others opinions of Obama not being their favorite person in the world, and if you can give me a valid reason on why you don’t care for him, fine. That’s your opinion, I obviously won’t agree. But do not tell me some bullshit about medical being worse or something about his race OR something to do with taxes.

He knows what he is doing. We are already on a better track and if you haven’t realized that, turn off fox news.
=]

Jo Benedetti, Age 94

Obituary for my fabulous Aunt Jo.

She had blonde straight hair
She loved to read
But she hated the library
She preferred bookstores
She was opinionated, stubborn and passionate
She was thoughtful, caring, and passionate
She ran everyday
Even in the snow and ice
Her family thought she was crazy
She loved her red Honda
She loved her Ipod, American Idol and Lost
She would buy new books even though she had 20 others to read
She was a democrat in her soul
And had politics running through her veins
Ignorant people pissed her off
And intelligent people inspired her
She fought for what she believed in
She loved to stay home and not attend a party
She loved wine
She had a slight OCD for cleanliness
She would do anything for you if she loved you
She did a lot for her community
And she supported campaigns & organizations
She liked slow music because she appreciated lyrics
She had a select group of people in her life
And hopefully you were one of them

Louis in Love.

So sometimes when I have a lot on my mind I write and if im in a public space and I have an idea for a blog I jot down notes and I remember be really inspired about love and dating when I was watching this movie about Louis Kahn (great American architect) and I only just now found the notes I made so I thought I’d finally write about it.

Louis Kahn was this amazing architect, but he has a flaw of having multiple families – three to be exact. The movie I was watching was actually his son who goes on this “discovery” to find out who his father really was. He meets with the other women, people he worked with and visits almost every building ever built. It’s a very cool documentary. It inspired me in more ways than one.

But anyways I got this idea about “the single person” and love itself. What do you do if you found your great love and it doesn’t love you back? What if you spent your life looking for someone and something that involved a deep connection the ultimate love affair with yourself and another person, what do you do when your only chance is to be with them, or nothing else?

Do you settle for less? What if you couldn’t settle, what if nothing could compare to what you already had (or thought you had) in life.

These “other women” of Louis Kahn, there were so enamored with Louis Kahn, years later being left by him to be a single mother and raise children on their own, they still love and dream and long for Louis. They don’t have any negative emotions towards him, they believed their love was true and the other women didn’t matter to them. And it just baffled me.

Do you give up freedom and a chance for all that you deserve for a man you love? Do you pass on any other opportunity just for the slight chance of hope that you could be with the “one” you have been waiting for? Maybe its like a boxing match, you keep getting back up and you wont leave the ring or give up without your fight.

I’m personally the type who doesn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me and I wouldn’t waste so much energy on something that didn’t give me back so much energy. I would be furious about these other women, and although I can understand their relentlessness to give up and move on, but really, are they happy longing for a man they can never have. (especially after he died and 40 years later the women were still single longing for him still.)

But this whole situation gets me thinking about “the single person” there are two types of people in this world, those that are constantly in relationships even with people that make no sense just because they cant be alone, and those that refuse to settle for anything less than they think they deserve (or refuse to settle for someone who doesn’t make them happy.) I believe the single person is single by choice because they don’t want to settle. I always think its bullshit when people say that the single person is single by choice because that’s what they choose – well yeah they choose to not be with just anyone but the single person usually doesn’t want to be single. they just know what they want and they know what they think they deserve.

But when you settle, what are you doing? What are you missing? What are you gaining? I would imagine if you are with someone to “pass the time” you are missing out on anything and everything and your only gaining maybe a little less of self loathe or something. Your definitely not going to meet someone else or someone new while your with another person.

But “I’m young, who said I knew shit about love?”

“I’m an observer, I watch and I absorb and the people in my life are a great example of love” Louis Kahn.

Oliver

My little Oliver. where to even start. well we will start with the Basics he is now 9 weeks old. (born on a Sunday) he is a Llhaso Apso (pure-breed) he is a boy. I got the name Oliver from a baby name website after considering "Stewart" for Jon Stewart.

he is the cutest little puppy and does all the little puppy things that they only learn with time, like about running into doors and windows, when you say "NO" it doesnt mean run over and kiss my face. and if you tug and play with the blinds chord, the blinds will come down on your head. BUT these superficial puppy traits are adorable, like how he will litterally jump from 2 feet away to jump on me and start kissing me. He is quite small and he doesnt exactly know how to get on and off the bed, sometimes he jumps off and just rolls and sometimes getting on the bed he gets stuck and cant make it all the way up, but he hasnt learned to bark yet so he just whines a little bit and looks at me with puppy dog eyes that say "help me." he can spend HOURS chewing on something stupid like a waterbottle cap (dont worry hes not big enough for the bottle cap to be too small.)

he chews his tail, he rolls on his back and arches sideways and chews his tail. it is ADORABLE

he chews on my hair -- thats not so adorable.

when i take a bath or a shower, i HAVE to bring him in the bathroom with me or he flips out, BUT because of this he panic-ly trys to climb up the side of the baththub and really seriously freaks out so he insists on being in the shower with me, he just roams around the shower floor trying to catch shower droplets happily.

i am a proud mother and i devote one hour a day to taking him to the sculpture park to lay out, play with him let him see other dogs and other people. and in return, he loves me oh so much.

he wont go out on my balcony i dont know if its because my railing is glass and he thinks he is going to fall off, but he refuses.

he chews waterbottles, i let him, they entertain him and he attacks them as they slide away from his "grip"

he is offically the love of my life.

Inspirational Ranting at Full Speed.

so thats my grandpa on the left, isnt he cute? haha joking, half of you probably know i'm lying cause thats the great Philip Johnson we will get to him later.

I feel completely inspired today so I will let my blog be inspired by my fabulous Aunt Joo (pronoucned Jew)

what im obsessed with listening to: "Bartender Song" By Rehab. I know now all the words.

last purchase on Itunes: tonight i just bought a lot of the new Ray Lamontage and Ingrid Michaelson

What i'm reading: this book about audrey hepburn called "what would audrey do?" i love it, its really good. i'm also reading this great book about Philip Johnson its essentially a gigantic interview with him.

what im drinking: Diet Coke of course, i'm risking staying awake all night by drinking caffeine this late but I figure i'll just take a nyquil anyways, haha. no worries, i'm not a druggie I promise.

what im working on: a project on Philip Johnson which includes a full scale model of his glass house made out of real glass with stained glass techniques. a project taking Seattle's Denny Park and turning it into an ADA park called "Divercity Park" (that one is to detailed to describe in a couple sentences) but it will as well have a real architectural model. i'm working on a zen retreat that has two rooms, one for waking up in the morning and the second for relaxing at night time. my last project is more like a research project on human comfort and how we as humans truly play into our environments as we deal with heat, color, vision and everything. luckily 3/5 of these projects are group projects.

word of the day. INSPIRATION. i realized today I am very heavily influenced, i dont know if that makes me gullible (because i am entirely) and i dont knwo if there is another word for it and i dont know if its a bad thing but I AM very heavily influenced, but i like it. it gets me going and gets me excited. (if you knew me during the presidential campaign, you know exactly what i'm talking about...)

sometimes its a periodical infatuation which I think my Philip Johnson infatuation is right now, I've had the same infatuation with Andy Warhol, Richard Nixon, Hunter S Thompson. these people intrigue me and for a time period i'm obsessed, after that it becomes a little more causal, as it does with any relationship in life. but if i can watch a movie or documentary or a read a book about these people, i will, because they fascinate me. i dont know that everyone knows this about me, i love to just research and read about certain people, NOT tabloid kind of stuff and almost everyone i'm infatuated with, is dead, its something about being able to look at a persons life as a whole, but i love it, its a small quirky passion of mine. even right now i feel that my energy level is just sky high and i will have to read through this blog like 20 times just to make sure it makes sense

i have two heroes, idols, main lifelong inspirations in life and thats Audrey Hepburn and Barack Obama, nothing about them will ever cease to amaze me I will never stop reading about Audrey or Barack and I know the world is a better place today because they once graced our planet.

there is something inside myself, i've just realized this at this very moment. i dont know the word for it, maybe you will. when I love something, i LOVE it, I have a life long passion for it. I've known and had this passion for interior design since 7th grade and its stuck ever since, i fell in love with Audrey Hepburn years and years ago and I havent stopped being infatuated, the same with Barack Obama and the city of Seattle, when i really love something I really dont "move on" from it. its not something like tradition or getting "stuck in a rut" because thats really not the issue at all. The other thing about me, and i'm getting much better about it, but its kind of like if its something that doesnt work for me, then i'm done with it. I used to not really put up with people I didnt like, and I didnt do things I didnt want to do, as I get older I realize thats stupid and makes me look like a bitch so I suck it up when I have to. (but of course, if there is an appropriate way of getting around something that you don't have to do, or getting around/away from dealing with someone you don't want to, isnt it smart to take that advantage? I sure think so.)

what is the word for that type of person? dedicated? because i really can be, when its something worth being dedicated to anyways...

I have no idea if this blog makes ANY sense at all. so enjoy :) i'll leave you with another great work of Philip Johnson;

Life, Work, and Happiness.

there is a very complicated thing in our culture of life, and it is called work. originally work was for living, you worked to earn money so that you could live the lifestyle that you wanted to live, back in the days people grew crops and did farm work (or whatever they did) so that they could eat and sell their produce and buy neccesitys like clothes and groceries, now we have become a very superficial society and we need things like Iphones and flatscreen TVs and laptops and etc, and we work (or someone works for us) so that we can live these lifestyles of glamour.

but what do you do, when you work to live and you stop living? your work has consumed you so much that you dont have time to go out and you dont have time for your friends and family? you work all day, you come home exhausted and you do have time to hangout with friends, eat some dinner, kick back with a glass of wine, but you would rather just lay in bed, so thats what you do.

i luckily have amazing friends and not only did they point this out to me but they refused to let me sit at home, but if it wasnt for my friends i would have totally fallen into that hole and i would be working and working and studying and working...for nothing.

why work and kill your ass if your doing it for nothing? even if your job is something full of passion and love and something you love to do, well dont you need someone around you to share that with? dont you need an outlet outside of work besides sleeping and eating?

you work to live, so just make sure that you're living.

you don't have to give up you're prioties and you don't even need to rearrange them, and you may be tired every once in a while, but there isnt a time in youre life when your going to regret the fact that you have strong enough work ethic to work as hard as you did and still maintain your lifestyle and your definitley not going to regret all the memories you make and the laughs you shared.

(especially at my age, my college years are the last years i get to still be naive and still get to be childish, why would I give that time up early to work? i have my whole life to work.)

is there any room left to be great?

It always fascinating to me to research any famous person, to watch a movie or a documentary on how one specific person did so much to change the future of how we lived. I remember in “Factory Girl” Andy Warhol was asking Edie if she thought people would remember them and if they would talk about them, if they talked about them what would they say and she just responded “people are gonna talk about how you changed the world”

And today in my History of Design class watching this really inspiring video on the great and amazing Mies Van Der Rohe (for those non-designers/architects, he was the most imaginative architect of the 20th and even 21st century, his work is amazing) and I started thinking, im sure like everyone has thought before “I wonder if one day students will be sitting in a classroom studying my work? Will I ever be in history books?”

But then I started thinking, are we at a time period where it’s almost impossible to stand out? Years ago these people stood out because they were the “first” the first to use steel and concrete and glass, and the first to use them in such ways and the first people to use bended plywood like Ray and Charles Eames. But are we at a time period where there are no “firsts” left, did all the greats like Mies Van Der Rohe and Frank Lloyd Wright and Le Corbusier,

Did all these people already do what can be done? I mean you have great architects now like Frank Gehry who did the EMP, but even Gehry isn’t groundbreaking famous, he’s not in any history books we only talk about him because he did this really cool design in Seattle and we live in Seattle.

Can anyone compare to these past marvels when nowadays you’re amongst SO many great and other talented designers? They say architecture is killed by the book, and the book is killed by the internet. Which means they’re saying architecture is to available, anyone can read a book and study it, and now even the book is killed and you can just Google whatever you want and seem just as smart as someone who studied for years and has a degree.
But is it really fair to compare and aspire to be these greats when maybe everything is already done? Maybe it was easier for them they weren’t so much competing and now we feed so much off one another, we feed off magazines and other designers and past designers, is our work…really our work? I mean back then when Mies Van Der Rohe was using Steel and Glass and making these amazing glass skyscrapers that was his own original thought, but are there any original thoughts left? Or is it all now a collaboration of other things?

The one thing about design is that your job and your career and even your schoolwork towards your degree isn’t about money, if it is you should get out, because design is art and art can never be about money or something so superficial, it needs to be about constant inspiration of greatness, it’s not about being better than others and being grandiose, it’s about making current life so amazingly natural, its noticed. Design is a problem waiting to be solved, and we will continue to solve them, but I think they’re just may not be room left for spectacular-famous-groundbreaking-will-study-for-years-to-come designers.

the GREAT list, the bucket list.

1. go to every continenet. i want to go all over europe, i want to help around in africa, i want to visit my cousins in australia and i want to go to brazil, japan and i guess russia could be cool, haha.

2. have a great love. my married friend was talking the other day about how amazed she is that her and her husband still have the same connection as when they were first married. she got a text from him and got a big smile on her face and she gets butterflies, and she was talking about how she never thought it was possible to love someone else more than yourself. and i would feel that my life was incomplete if i died without every expeirencing that.

3. meet Barack Obama, i dont care when but he really is an inspiration to me and i just want to shake his hand. partly just so i can say that i did but also just to know inside, that i did meet him would be amazing.

4. i would love to meet audrey hepburn because she really is amazing to me and she still inspires me daily, but i guess that will have to be in the afterlife. hopefully we will be in the same afterlife :)

5. i mentioned this a little bit, but i would love to go and work/volunteer in Africa, i think it would be so life changing and so life inspiring that life shouldnt go without such an experience.

6. i want to sit ontop of the egyptian pyramids at sunset, like they did in "bucket list"

7. be succesful. but thats more like a goal in life.

8. change someones life.

9. inspire someone.

10. save a life.

11. i love the idea of bungee jumping or sky diving, i dont know that i could go through with sky diving but bungee jumping i would love to do.

12. have an international affair, its a move infatuation to make it seem so glamorous but i think it would be thrilling. i think all things are worth any amount of pain if they are worth twice the amount of laughter, smiles, good times and good memories.



--

this will be a list in progress, a growing list. till later.

This is why i voted for Barack Obama

yesterday was a really good day, full of excitement and laughter never a dull moment but seeing this particular headline made my whole day so much better. "Obama to reverse bush stem cell policy"

we all have certain passions in politics, why we even bother to vote, not everything on the democratic platform entices me and at the democratic convention, although i like the spirit and the energy of being there, deciding everything to go on the platform gets really boring but one of the big things i was always so passionate about was stem cell research, and I'm so glad that Obama knows the importance, that his supporters are learning the importance, and that now, theres going to be more stem cell research.

stem cell research has so much negative attention around it, and it has soooo many misconceptions it starts to really upset me, especially when people think stem cell research is to start cloning people. when people think that, i don't even bother explaining everything to them because, as bad as it sounds, i believe their intelligence is lower than butter, (the same with people who sit around and say ish about Obama and his race and being Muslim and so forth) these are people who obviously don't read they listen to rumor mills and don't listen to the whole story and they obviously don't know politics.

but stem cell research seems like such a milestone of accomplishment. stem cell research can help us learn and achieve new cures for diseases and sicknesses that we never thought could be possible. we can find answers to diseases like Lupus and find proper treatment against cancer.

i understand the argument that people have against stem cell research, because if they are taking embryoic stem cells then that means the embryo has to be destroyed so its similar to abortion and its the same argument that you are killing a human life and so on but the main argument against those people is that scientists and government are not making people "donate" their embryos against their will, they're not abducting them, these women have decided this and if the embryo is going to be destroyed anyways then why not put it to wonderful work?

the other thing is that embryoic is not the only way to obtain stem cells for research and one way that i would the most supportive of would be donating bone marrow, the one thing is that there are more stem cells in embryo cells, obtained from the fetus and not as many from adult stem cells (some scientist and arguments even say that adult stem cells aren't worth the effort) but i've had a bone marrow biopsy its horrrrrrribbbleeeeeee, i have never experienced pain like that before (you don't get knocked out, your wide awake for it, they num the area but that's it) so the fact that i know the pain and im still suggesting it shows how important i think research is, i would actually seriously consider donating my stem cells through bone marrow if I could and if it would help.

i'm huge on medical research, for such obvious reasons, and i would love to do more to advance research but i'm more about donating blood and such for research but i'm not okay with taking test drugs that could harm me.

basically i'm not against abortion so this decision is 20 times easier for me to make but even if i was against abortion, lets put it towards something great and lets find cures for so many things we have no answers to! lupus hasn't had a new drug in over 50 years and none of the medication is for Lupus its anti-malaria and cancer treatments, and there are no answers to anything how will we ever get a cure?

Religion

besides from my Obama praise I havent ever really written on this blog about my personal values or my true political beliefs, and i'm going to make a big whammie and have the first thing i deeply talk about, be about religion, my lack of and my reasoning.

first of all, i'm inspired by it tonight because i just finished watching "Religulous" Bill Mahers religion documentary. If you haven't seen it, i recommend it but look at my other blog "everyones a critic" for my movie review on that because i got more important fish to fry in this post! :)

i was raised catholic, my parents, my whole family are all catholic. i was baptized and went to CCD (Catholic sunday school) and i think for a little while i bought some of the "stories" but i dont think it was ever something i was apart of, i remember when i was a little girl, i dont remember how old or anything i just remember kneeling in church with my parents and i had just learned about praying to God and everyone would say "God will answer you, God will speak to you" and i told my mom "Mom, i don't hear God's voice" and she said "just listen harder" but i never did hear his voice, and i never expected too.

lately, and especially over the last year, religion has been a very though-provoking issue on my mind. I always toyed with what i believed in and i never really thought my answer could be "i dont know"

i have no idea how the earth and the solar system came to be, i have no idea how my body is on this earth and how it works the way it does (beyond science) but to me personally, i cannot accept that this God figure invented it because so many people believe its true. i cant just believe something because someone tells me its the truth.

I believe something created us and put us here, i dont know what. I dont know what happens to us when we die and i dont know if there is a hell. and i dont think anyone knows, now its very important for me to explain that i dont dismiss religion and faith, i dont frown upon it and say its stupid and wrong and blah blah. its just something i personally dont have and i truly envy people that do have faith. i think its a great thing to be able to have in your life and I think it truly does help people hold onto a life they deserve.

but what Bill Maher's documentary opened up for me, is that its okay to not believe and follow a religion, and he mentions in the movie that he feels more free not having a faith and i believe that as well. for me, the way i see it, is i dont need a bible or a religion to tell me whats right or wrong. i dont need a bible to tell me not to kill someone (which they touch on in a movie in a very interesting interview with a religious senator) i dont need a religion to tell me to live my life good and to do good things.

i live my life with good intentions and i live my life with good morals and with the thought of good deed.

this doesnt mean that i set myself all these really easy standards for myself of how i'm going to live, for the most part i pretty much follow the ten commandments. I know its wrong to steal, cheat, murder etc. and i would never feel okay even thinking about doing any of those things.

the most interesting point i have to put out there, God is well he's God-like, hes all power-ful, he is all knowing, he is all good. correct? yes. well then how do bad things happen in the world? the devil? well if God is all powerful why doesn't he extract the devil? why can't he prevent the devil from doing what the devil does? and God is this great guy but if you don't follow him or believe in him your going to hell, well thats not very nice. and if i ever believe in another God i'm going to hell. and as Bill Maher pointed out, shouldnt God be devoid of a petty human emotion like jeaulously?

i do admire and envy people who have faith, in a healthy way. and i respect them, and i think they should respect me the same. I am not bashing religion, im simply explaining why i personally cannot believe in it.

i guess my religion is good intentions, good morals and hope.

questional rantings of an insomniac

1. why can't i sleep?

2. why is there no light in the freezer? we need to see things in the freezer just as well as what's in the fridge, and to be honest, with all the ice, we need more light in the freezer than in the fridge.

3. my skin is very soft right now, but i keep touching it and carressing my face so i'm sure by the time i wake up, that is if i ever go sleep, that it will be gross and oily.

4. i had a werid obsession; well actually i have a lot of them. but the one i'm thinking of right now is that i never pull my blinds down, never never, i yelled at someone for going to close them once. why would you ever close the blinds when you have such a great view outside? plus it makes my apartment feel so small when you close off the outside world.

5. i would like to live in this building forever, change apartments sure, but i'd like to stay in this location forever.

6. i would never want to live in a house, really i wouldnt. i always feel safe in my apartment i used to get so scared in my parents house, even if we set the alarm. here, its just so safe and controlled access.

7. plus if anything goes wrong in the apartment; ie: closet doors coming off their hinges, my dishwasher breaks, i just call the mainteance staff and they come fix it. and they replace my lightbulbs!

8. lisa kudrow is actually a really great actress, she is fabulous at voices on Friends, when she imitates Estelle Leonard, its like wow! i'm sure only 5% of you know what i'm talking about right now.

9. i wish i had an awesome super brillant smile, but even if i whitened through the pain and everything i have unusually small teeth.

10. my windows are very dirty, i need to clean them.

11. i spill alot. alot alot. i never realized this about myself until i llived alone.

12. i need a bed, my futon is just a huge hole and is soo uncomfortable. plus i have a lot of negative space in my apartment, i need a bed with a headboard that way i can angle it across from my TV and use my futon as a couch; again only 5% of you will know what i'm talking about.

13. you know what my dream is? to design my own condo, like people designing their own houses but i dont want to live in a house, plus i love living downtown.

14. i dont like wood, well i like it as a material but i dont generally like it untreated and unpainted unless its very light, like a birch or a really dark like a mahoganay or stained. its too woodys and country for me

15. i miss my dog, sometimes when i wake up i still forget that shes not in bed with me, i think im going to kidnap her soon. i'd have more time for her than my parents would anyways

16. i live living alone, i've decided that i'll never get a roomate or live with someone again until the point of serious relationship for prospective husbands. i like being able to be messy and if i forget my towel before i take a shower, i dont have to be werid about walking out of the bathroom, i like to sleep in my underwear and if i dont feel like doing the dishes, i'm not gonna do em! but its more importantly about the fact that the brita pitcher is always filled, the cap is always on the toothpaste, there are always enough spoons and i know when i'm low on an ingredient, instead of finding out when its gone.

17. i do think that co-habitation should always happen before marriage (living together first) you never know someone until you live with them, and you need to be at the utter comfortabilty with your spouse that you can do everything you want to do, who wants to come home after the honeymoon, move in and have to censor yourself with everything you do?

18. i always think that sex before a marriage is a must, i understand the whole waiting for the special night thing, it would be pretty cool to be able to do that. BUT, and i know its stupid to pull stuff out of TV but on Sex and the City when Charlotte and Trey don't sleep together until after the wedding, find out they have problems in the bedroom and Trey can't get it up nor does he want to solve the problem, sex isnt everything but you cant have a sexless marriage unless your okay with aduletry.

19. i'm also a supporter of divorce. i dont know why its such a taboo in our culture, why should someone stay in a relationship and be unhappy? its not so much that im a supporter of divorce as i am a supporter of happiness. some people arent fortunate enough to have wonderful marriages for years after years, people change and theres nothing wrong with changing husbands.

20. i need a massage, the hole in my bed has killed me.

things that make me feel good.

things that make me feel like i'm a better person.

1. working out, you never really want to work-out, sometimes your on a kick and you're really pumped up about it and then you feel rewarded just for being pumped up about it so thats a reward in its own. but when you desperatley don't want to work out, when it would be easier to just lay in bed and do harmless stuff all day, and you work out anyways. thats greatness.

2. making a stranger happy. holding the door or complimenting someone and you can just see that maybe they had a horrible day and you just cheered them up, its so worth it.

3. being involved in the Obama campaign, I dont really need to explain why.

4. donating to charity, donating to anything! i dont need to explain this one either.

5. paying my bills online, it sounds werid but it feels so good to go "eco" (ecobills) and pay everything online and save the paper.

6. recycling as much as I do. my friends actually make fun of me because i recycle EVERYTHING, i wash my yogurt cups and my recycle bin is always 10x more full than my garbage. i will go through and seperate peoples food trash (like from McDonalds or something, and seperate whats been "contaminated" from what i can recycle) people may think its crazy but to be honest, you deffinitley don't feel bad about doing it!

7. making my grandmothers week. i was in town for a short while a couple weeks ago, i was by my grandmothers house so i stopped by with my friend. it took like 10 minutes out of my day, and it made her whole week she was telling everyone about it. it was nothing for me and everything to her. (well not nothing for me, i enjoy seeing her, but you know what I mean.)

8. choosing the redcross over selfish greed. i take these online surveys that you get points for and your points equal up to money, its not alot but i figure if i'm bored i'll do them, they are research studies so it's helping these companies out and someday i can cash in (right now its only like $14 but that can grow quickly.) but sometimes you don't qualify for the survey, (not the target group or whatever) and they do this whole "thanks for taking this survey!" and you have the option of entering for a sweepstakes of money, spin this electronic wheel for an "instant win", or donate 10 cents to the red cross. EVERY time i get this, i donate to the red cross, sure its only 10 cents but i could have easily tried for one of the more selfish prizes anddd the money they've rasied for the redcross is over 10 thousand now, thats alot of 10 cents!

9. taking people's recipets. now this one i have to explain, but i'm sure you'll agree with me. i find people's receipts all the time, sometimes left over on tables at restaurants or next to the trash can because they missed, and i take them "steal them" and i shred them. thats how people can get their identity stole or chagres on their credit card, now most of the time it doesnt really matter because the credit card isnt shown but still, i take it so that someone else doesnt.

10. this one is a little different. i don't squash people's passions. i think passion is a very important thing to have, and even if i don't agree with your passion, i'm going to respect you and admire you so much just for having it. even if your republican, i will respect you if you have knowledge and passion for what you believe in and what you stand for. (the problem i find with most republicans i meet, and im definitley generalizing because i dont meet a lot of republicans because i live in seattle lol) buttt many republicans that i've met don't have a large amount of knowledge and they have a huge lack of passion. the republicans i know, if they do have the knowledge they arent ridiculously passionate and if they are ridiculously passionate they usually dont know what they are talking about. again, this is republicans i've personally met. so i would respect you if you had the knowledge and the passion :)

future equals progress, and the past is the past.

this was a post i had saved in my drafts, no clue why i never posted it (it had a great title and was perfectly edited, well to Kylee standards) so anyways i'm posting it now, i'm quite proud of it actually.

why is it such an unusual thought to think that the future is what holds the brighter days? I think a lot of people like to hold on to the past and recall glory days and trips down memory lane because your past is the past, it will not change no matter what on earth could ever possibly happen. your past is like a movie you've seen over and over again, you know the story, you know what essentially happens but sometimes you like to re-watch, re-live those moments for fun and pleasure, you can skip around and forget about the bad scenes and no matter how long ago it was you last saw your movie, there are no surprises, you know whats going to happen and you don't have to be scared and on the edge of your seat.

but isn't that why we watch new movies? don't you love watching a movie that you don't know whats going to happen, i love sitting on the edge of my seat being so involved with the movie I laugh and cry and get angry. That's what life is about, sometimes we get unexpected, unfair curveballs but its what makes us who we are. in every movie there is a climax sometimes its good, bad, and ugly but its what makes the movies great and its what makes life, life.

now this is particularly contemplative over a personal situation that recently happened but i also think about it when it comes to silly things like technology. the older generation of vinyl records, although most embrace and love our ipods from the "wiki" generation (referring to wikipedia, i didnt create the term apparently its a real one) constantly make comments about "i miss those days" "it used to be so simple." but i have to look at them and think, WHY?

what is it about the "vinyl" generation that they think is so great? well when it comes to technology because i think i would love to be a "vinyl" generation when rock and roll was still alive, but you think about it. think of everything we can do now, i litterally just started to explain the whole process of DVDs, from the moment the camera hits the actors to when we see it on this plastic round flat thing, and it just sounds so amazing, it sounds ridiculous, so i had to delete it to prove my point.

the "vinyl" generation had their own invention independence and they were ecstatic and amazed when man landed on the moon, when the vinyl record became a cassette, and now we can do everything on a computer that has its memory, everything i'm writing right now, on a piece of plastic and metal. we are amazing people, we are an amazing world and we are only ever going to get better and better.

when i think of all the time the computer saves me, the convience of the internet, (which is my personal belief a small reason why are there a few more educated people walking among us,) the fact that i can email my cousin in scotland in a matter of second for free and i can reconnect and build relationships and friendships with people that moved away or people that i just met at a party. the fact that i can leave my house and not worry about missing a call or swipe a piece of plastic that holds all my information of the money i have in my bank account, its just amazing.

Honest Love Letter.

Sometimes I’m neurotic,
Sometimes I’m naïve,
I’m almost always stubborn
I’m judgmental
I hold grudges
I’m argumentative
But I'm usually thoughtful
I’m analytical
And most of the time I’m creative
I’m inspired by life.
I get mad when the cap is off the toothpaste
And I get annoyed when the Brita pitcher is empty
I fall for guys quickly
But it never lasts, so don’t worry
I take risks because I want to live
I control my life and no one else
I control my life and nothing else
I enjoy politics
I think silver hair is sexy
It’s why I have a thing for Jon Stewart and Anderson cooper
I think religion is great
I’m envious of people who have faith
I want to travel…to everywhere.
Someday I want to wake up and think “I’ve done everything I ever wanted in life”
I hope this day is when I’m 101
I’m not scared of death
I don’t worry about “a plan”
I’m never satisfied with my hair
I expect a lot out of people
I don’t spend energy on hate
That’s just a waste of time
But I do spend energy on love
Because that’s always completely worth it
I truly do want world peace
But I’m far from being Miss America
I believe in karma
I believe in hope
I believe in dreams
I like music
I love movies
I like surprises
I surprise myself often
And maybe one day, ill have the chance of surprising you.

history will never beat this. January 20, 2009.

preface: i sat down to write a blog for today many times and words couldn't describe what i wanted to say, and then all of a sudden, just writing a comment to a friend it turned into this long reflection. this is a day that we will remember for always and this is a day, for me, bigger than anything else i believe i will ever experience and i'm so happy to know that i had something to do with it. this is my letter to those without hope.








I know there are people out there who are still really against Obama, they still doubt his abilities and they still doubt our country but, (and this has been the biggest impact on his campaign) look deeper into what has happened, look beyond the war and the current economy, look beyond the hardships of the bush administration, look beyond the democratic and republican platform and realize and see how many people have come out and done things for their community because of this new hope and this new inspiration, even if you believe it to be a false hope, what does that matter? How does that hurt anything? its actually just like Obama says "there’s never been anything false about hope." nothing political matters, to know that people became citizen's to vote and to become involved in their community, to volunteer for food drives and donate money not just to a campaign but for good causes, to unite together to fight...whatever you want to fight, for whatever you believe, that’s amazing and its something our country desperately needed at a time when loved ones are being sent over sea's and families are loosing pension & retirement and are going to be forced to work years longer than they ever planned. This a time to be able to rely on your neighbor and it’s a time to at least be able to hope again.

A lot of people out there criticize Obama's "hope campaign" claiming it as a false hope and a dreamer’s world, I understand where they are coming from but I have to say, I think it’s quite odd. How can having hope ever possibly be a bad thing? How can having faith in something be a bad thing? If you have no hope for things to ever get better in life, why live your life? And if you criticize it solely on hope for the country, that’s not very optimistic is it?

I'm not naive, sometimes I prefer to be but I know deep down the truth and I know Obama isn't going to make dramatic changes; healthcare and social security aren’t changing over night and the war is going to be a long and delicate situation to pull out of, but I think he will make good decisions that his well-picked cabinet will help advise him to do, He's in great favor with the Senate and we all know the Senate is what makes or breaks the White House in the end.

but again, the biggest difference I think will be Obama's presence and his own hope for the country, I think he has a great moral backing that he truly believes what is good for himself and his own family, his own daughters, his own wife, is good for everyone and I think that’s a great mentality when your running a country.

I think that's where Bush failed us, he didn’t give us the support and hope we needed, it might have been his articulation, he couldn’t explain things to us in the ways we could sympathize with, it was hard to take him as an educated individual and it was easy to criticize him for the mistakes he had made, and denied and failed to accept he made.

the moral here is that Obama's our new President, I think a majority of you are supporters, some of you don't care at all and some of you wish the worst things upon him, but to look at it in at least one positive way is what happened to our country on election night and today on inauguration day. No one is in a place right now where they’re not affected, and it’s about time we all came together to gave a lending hand.

This is a new journey, be apart of it, be apart of history, do you really want to grow old and tell your grandchildren how much you were against this history making man, could you imagine your grandparents ranting on about how horrible Martin Luther King Jr. was? About how he spat on about equality? Realize that there is a reason so many people have faith in him, that so many people have woken up to this “new day”

This is our time. Join us.