Some Conversations Only Have Beginnings & Middles

in my glass: water. go me! :)

Book: amazingggg book about Hunter S. Thompson "Gonzo" (jojo posted about it before and she just lent it to me) I'm crazy busy so I'm crawling through it, but I loveeeee it. I loveeee HST and I still don't understand why. haha.

Music: I got turned onto "The Script" I'm completely in love but I think I already out played it so I'm listening to Lee Dewyze again, I like the mellow happy music for when I'm doing design work...

TV: You guys will all be so proud of me. I have finally begun my LOST final adventure. Pre-order on Amazon is amazing! I'm already on disk 3 (but tonight I was too tired to pay attention and I really have a lot of homework to do)

Movie: in lue/luei/lui (I never knew how to spell that) of watching serious LOST I watched 'The Back-Up Plan' I don't like Jennifer Lopez as a person, I think shes a diva but she does do good movies and the guy in the movie is so freaking cute. SUCH an unpractical movie though, I kinda hate those, these are the movies that make women crazy and think that's what real life is... haha

Best thing that happened: My cousin Tiffany got married on Saturday! I got my friend, Eddy, the photography gig so we got their really early so I got to help set up but it was one of the funnest and best weddings I've ever been too. It was so casual but still romantic and it was beautiful weather, I'm sure Eddy got amazing photos because of the lighting. It was just a generally amazing time and if I were do get married (don't hold your breath, maybe when I'm 40 lol) that will be my wedding.

Funny thing that happened: My friend, I'll rename her as Sam (Cause I don't have a single friend named Sam) so Sam meets this guy at a bar and its really loud so when they are exchanging names he says his name is "Harpi, like Happy" and she says "Harpi?" and he says "yes" but its really loud. They ended up hitting it off so they have been seeing each other and talking and such but anytime she says his name he makes a joke. the second time they met up she said "Harpi" and he joked "oh you remember my name?" and laughed. But now its been like 2 weeks and they've hung out so many times that can't just ask him what his name is and she tried looking at his license but "Harpi" is a nickname short for some Indian name that she can't pronounce so shes basically just landed herself a boyfriend that she doesn't know the name of. It's hilarious. we have a few problem solver scenarios we can put into action if it becomes a crisis lol.

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I got really excited with jojo's red flag list so now I'm making my official red flag, blue flag, turn-off, turn-on and deal breaker list. they're always exceptions for everything but I'd like to think these are concrete. okay, ready, set, go!

(I'm totally stealing a bunch of these from jojos blog and everyones posts, I will give everyone their credit lol)

RED FLAGS
1. Amanda: Jesus Fish, alarms would totally go off, not only so much if it was a magnet on his car but if it was a tattoo on his arm, I would run. And I have seen this before.
2. Eque: Hunting/HateforAnimals. I have a love affair with any living thing be it a fish or a big fluffy dog, I'm quite convinced that I could make best friends with a bear; Polar, Grizzly, you name it. I'm on it. I'm not a PETA protester or any kind of animal activist but those Sarah Machlan commercials do make me cry. Plus the "hunter" kind of guy is so NOT my type.
3. Republican. I should put this on the dealbreaker list, but I do always give the guy a chance. Although the last guy I "dated" I gave him too many chances, he was not only a republican but he hated Obama, didn't vote and isn't registered. (and he opinions and my rule is that you can't have political opinions if you're not registered and don't vote.) I wore my "I only date democrats" Tshirt just to piss him off. haha.
4. Jojo: Mullet hair, handlebar mustache or anything else of the sort...unless its a gag joke and its temporary because I do get a kick out of that. and if a guy can still pull those looks off even for a joke, hes a keeper. LOL
5. Lack of education is still a red flag for me, I know y'all had objections to that but I'm sorry at my age if you're not pursuing an education your basically lazy (that would be my first impression) and I said it had to be a Bachelors or higher because a lot of lazy people out there go and get there AA just to have and still do nothing. this is obviously a flag that has many exceptions but at first my red flag is being raised.

BLUE FLAGS (good things- in all honesty its everything the opposite of the red flag but I'll do a list anyways.)
1. to not be repetitive I'll do all the "opposites" on #1. So blue flag's for the following: has a bachelors degree or higher or is pursuing such at a good school. registered democrat that's in love with Obama. (I'm on the opposite of Kat, if a guy is in LOVE with his pets, especially a dog, that's like 5 blue flags in one.)
2. if he's not into sports. you all know how I feel.
3. to further that, if he doesn't watch the "new shows" you all know, besides LOST, the only shows I watch are re-run sitcoms and movies.
4. if he can remember stuff. Its amazing how bad some guys are! If I'm hanging out with you all day and you can't remember something I said to you 3-4 hours ago, its kind of insulting. I don't believe in bad memory. haha.
5. an artist in some way shape or form. well not performance, I "dated" an actor and an actor is just a really good liar, haha and its really annoying to hear them talk about how they're gonna move to Hollywood and become famous and blah blah blah. a little reality maybe? but yes artist in all other shapes and forms I always love the idea of artist that are related to my kind of art because its cool to have that connection and understanding of what each other do.

Turn-On's
1. guitar playing. I would date a hairy man if he could play amazing guitar. actually no I wouldn't but I would maybe consider it. haha.
2. suspenders. I don't know what it is but I find suspenders un-naturally sexy. I could jump Larry King's bones. Okay, I'm lying again, but its a funny thought.
3. humor. of course. I like laughing.
4. cologne/good smells. I used to feel really uncomfortable when old fat teachers would wear cologne because they would smell soooo good yet I was so repulsed by them. cologne is very dangerous. the Axe commercials are real.
5. Manners. I never really thought I cared about this, until I met guys that have no manners. And I don't mean opening the car door or holding the door open for me but please and thank you's go a long way so you'd have to imagine bigger manners than that go even further.

Turn-Off's
1. Smoking. anything, everything, even nothing. I've dated smokers, so its not a dealbreaker for me, but I certainly don't like it. Although I will admit, sometimes, some guys can look really sexy with a cigarette in their lips. (aka James Dean)
2. HAIR! you all know how I feel. clean shaven facial = okay (and usually kinda sexy) long hair and/or chest hair = makes me wanna puke...on your hair.
3. I call it Gangster Style. if you talk or write in ebonics, walk like an idiot and think its cool to say nigga, pop a cap or anything else retarded like that. gross.
4. highly into fashion. its one thing to enjoy shopping, like a tshirt, pair of jeans, have good style. you should not subscribe to fashion magazines and know more designers than me (and I don't know THAT many.)
5. republican. can I put that again? because really if you tell me you're a republican I might walk away. haha.

DealBreakers.
1. Long-distance. nope, nope, nope.
2. Military (jo might say something about this because I almost did date a guy in the army) That's not the lifestyle for me, it was a big reason why me and that fella didn't end up dating. for 1.) its long distance 2.) dangerous and I'd be constantly worrying 3.) if things got serious I could end up away from my family and I'm not okay with that.
3. Friends ex-boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, friends. these are definite deal breakers but I really want to include family of friends, and friends of family but I'm sure there could possibly be some exceptions, although its always been a dealbreaker in the past
4. younger than me. i don't even like dating guys my own age why would I want to go younger? always older.
5. way older than me (haha) I would have no problem dating a guy who was 30 or around that, but then I think its weird that they want to date a 21 year old.

I could be famous one day

Current Music: Musiq Soulchild (I lost all my itunes playlists and I'm too lazy to remake them so I'm listening to whatever comes on, I used to love this guy in high school, he has a good voice but it is very r&b which isnt really my style anymore, but i still enjoy it)

Food: Tater Tot Casserole. we have this way too often but its so yumm and its not really that bad for you (its just ground beef (and i buy the lean stuff) tater tots and cream of chicken (and i buy the low sodium/low fat stuff) and cheese. we love cheese.

Drink: Diet coke of course. this is why I'll never be an alcoholic I love diet coke way too much, Even if I order a vodka/diet I get upset that my diet coke doesn't taste the same, whether it's vodka or not. haha.

Excitement of the week: I got an internship! I had the interview on Wednesday, I found out Sunday night they hired me and I was in the office Tuesday & Wednesday -- They already had me doing spec sheets, finish schedules, pulling materials, CAD work (alot of my friends I've talked to still don't do this kind of work or it took them awhile to be able to be allowed to do it) I got to sit in on a client meeting today and one of my coworkers said "wow, she doesn't normally let interns sit in on meetings..." so it feels really good that they obviously feel really good about me.

Pet Peeve: That there aren't better editing tools in blogger. I hate these generic fonts. bluchk.

Upcoming: Josh's anniversary is Friday, we're doing something as a family but nothing large, but I think thats how it should be, its amazing to me that it was a whole year already. Josh was the first person I lost that was close to me (My grandpa passed away but it was a little different under the circumstances and I think it was time for my grandpa, he was really sick and held on a good amount of years) and you always hear people talking about how "it felt like just yesterday" and I don't have this amazing memory really, especially not after a year, but I remember everything. I remember exactly what I was doing when my dad called, I remember our exact conversation and I remember everything that was going through my mind.

Weird Thought: I hope this doesn't offend anybody, but I always think about this when people say your loved ones are looking down on you -- so they are in heaven and they can look down on you and watch everything you do? shouldn't there be some kind of censor for that? what if you "watch in" on your parents while they're having sex, or someone showering, like, thats not cool. haha. So I was thinking about this, maybe its like a transcript gets sent to them on a little fax machine, haha. Its a very interesting thought I could probably talk about it for hours on all the possibilites because I really hope there is SOME kind of censorship or warning or somethinggg for both parties sake! haha

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So I never really realized this before but with the career path I've choosen and the industry I am in... I could be famous one day. I think for some reason I always thought any job could make you famous if you were good enough at it, but then I realized MOST jobs thats not true when I look at everyone around me, sorry I love you guys but you have no chance of being famous and being told about in history books lol (dental assistant, secretary, admissions officer, whatever the heck my dad's job title is, physical therapists, and so on) Now I do realize if I ever do become famous it will probably be more within my own industry BUT the last couple articles I've read in Vanity Fair have been about designers & architects (which is always very cool because I feel like they are talking about my friends lol)

I could have an article written about me in Vanity Fair, I could have my own TV show, I could be written about in history/design books. Of course I would have to be really good at what I do but I'm up to that challenge. I don't plan on being famous, but its cool to think that I could.

Of The Week

Song of the week: Train - Soul Sister

Book of the week: Mr. Monk in Trouble I'm a HUGE fan of the show and one of the writers of the show has branched off and started writing novels of the Monk character. This is the 9th book (and I have read them all so far) and the author Lee Goldberg just published the 10th -- you all know how long it takes me to read a book I think my blog said I was reading "Howard Hughes" for about 6 months. I just read 2 books starting my 3rd all within about 3 weeks (all monk books)

Currently Watching: Jon Stewart and his not so sexy new facial hair, it makes him look 60 - not the silver fox i'm in love with, I know its still there though, I haven't given up on him.

Upset of the week: I bought a fleur de lis ring in New Orleans. I remember looking at the rings at the market thinking they would be $5 or $10 and the dealer said $36 so I was like "woah nevermind, bye!" then my dad reminded me "well you don't want a cheap ring" so I went back and bartered down to $26 the ring started turning my finger green and then the day after I got back home, the fleur de lis snapped in half. thats got to be bad karma.

Solution: I found a sterling silver (won't turn my finger green and most likely won't snap in half) fleur de lis ring, almost identical online and purchased it right away with birthday money I had left over from my Aunt JooJoo :)

Annoyance of the week: My computer is in bad shape. Its been in bad shape for awhile ever since my adobe programs wouldnt work or install properly but I can't bare myself to sit on the phone for 5 hours with Adobe to fix it, So I just go across the street to the school campus when I need to work. But now, the internet is ridiculous, at some points I can't even open my email! I'm talking with a friend who works with computers to see what he thinks I should do. I've already ran every possible disk cleanup, optimization, defragment, virus scanner etc. I possibly can. they all come back with "no malicious files" "no corrupted files" its horrible. Its like having a child who is sick and you don't know what to do. haha.

Quote of the week: from the book "Mr. Monk in Trouble" it was just such a great line and way to describe a person "He looked like a peach that had been granted its wish to become human" it reminds me of that line that Jo found "she looked like she had spent her whole life waiting in lines" or something to that affect.

Movies of the week: I just watched 'Amelie' again, its such an amazing movie, it makes you feel so happy after you watch it, its the kind of movie you wish didn't end. I have a full review of it on my movie blog from when I first watched it not too long ago.

new project at school: designing John Mayers tour bus! its a pretty exciting project its me and my good friend, Fanny working on it together. Its actually becoming pretty hard because the research is so different and the regulations and we have to find out how tall it can be, what expand, weight limits all these things that you don't worry about in a building or that we have ever had to know before. not to mention standard codes really don't apply so when you normally know that you need 18" from the back of a chair to a wall you know you can make the distance shorter but what is too small? thats the hard part.

Simple Pleasures: Cracking my neck, I don't know how I do it but I can almost always crack my neck, I have several ways of doing it but most of the time if I cock my neck in the right way, it will crack and its a very satisfying thrill

The Big Easy, It Ain't So Easy

pictures: this on the left is my uncle troy and myself my dad said "look like lovers" and this is what came of it haha we were on a balcony in some bar. below from left to right: my dad and i dancing at the blues club, my mom, dad and i eating our first lucky dogs of the night, and then me with my first hurricane at pat obriens on the first night.

The big trip to Naw'lins. one of the best trips I've ever been on! It was so great that so many people ended up coming with, we had about 20 people in our group and about 5 of them flew in from other states (not including us)

everyone kept asking me "is it what you expected?" but I really didn't know what to expect, but it definitley wasnt anything I could have imagined. for one, heres what amazed me though

1. I thoguht it was really just one street, just bourbon street and all the others were just plain in comparison I never would have realized that the entire french quarter was just as crazy all the way through.

2. the girls and the sex, not just pictures of naked girls outside the strip clubs but the girls practically naked standing right outside wearing pasties, that was the one aspect I didn't like.

3. almost everywhere was cash only, which we never do here in seattle because then you'll get robbed (but one of the locals told me its so they fudge the numbers on what they make)

4. walking around the streets with drinks is always unusual, although everyone told me about that one, but i didnt expect that they would have plastic to go cups ready for when you wanted to leave with your drink

5. they start playing music at 9 in the morning and its not just once you walk in the bar you hear the music, you hear a new song and a new band playing every block

6. their are no codes (building wise) in this town. as a designer i kept noticing all that. there are o ventilation fans in the bathrooms, there are no occupancy loads, i even saw a lot of department of health codes, people making food with bare hands and such (not that its a dirty town i think people just arent as paranoid)

7. they hire people to stand outside their bar just to try and get people walking by to come inside

8. the people in new orleans are scared of the rain. haha.

9. everyone was incredibly nice, i woud have thought at some point i would have ran into someone bitchy but I never did. it was amazing.

10. there is obviously no rules in new orleans, even places that post rules no one abdies by like "one drink minimum" "bathrooms for customers only" "no outside drinks" no one ever said anything to us when we didnt follow these rules.

Freegan or Friggin Gross

I just read one of the latest Monk books (written by Lee Goldberg, one of the former writers for the show. This particular book was “Mr. Monk is Miserable” and is set in Paris, the books are great they are just like the show and whenever I have lent them to friends who haven’t watched the show they enjoyed the books just as much. There’s quite a few of the books I believe he just published the 9th)

Anyways, in this particular book that is set in France a very interesting concept of life is brought about and that is “Freegan” Freegan refers to a particular person who chooses to live their life in a certain way. I’m not sure if this is a real thing, if it’s not, HUGE props to Lee Goldberg because it’s one of the most amazing concepts I’ve ever heard of. Surely, it really only could happen in Paris. Supposively it’s a movement, currently only in Paris but trying to branch out to America and around the world.

This so called way of life is a way of freeing yourself (hence the name) for consumerism. Everyone (according to the story by Goldberg) that is now a Freegan was previously a big corporate snob, addicted to the consumer world and wasting as much as they could. These Freegan live for free. They live in the catacombs below France (an entire world lays beneath the city of sewer tunnels (which is the cleanest sewer in the world by the way) and passageways for the catacombs. (Some of them are squatters and live in houses and apartments that aren’t being occupied “everyone has right to shelter, an empty building is a wasted resource.” But basically they are classy dumpster divers. Technically they could be described as “homeless who live in the sewers and eat trash.” However, this is Paris. These Freegan “shop” in the most expensive neighborhoods where people not only buy good food but have no problem wasting it. they throw away an apple from one bruise, they throw away anything that is past its expiration date (that to them is a consumer parade just to make us buy more food, which let’s face it, expiration dates are not 100% you can certainly eat food that is slight past its marking, some products more than others.) people throw away electronics for things that are newer and prettier. These Freegan have complete living rooms, televisions, computers (they do hack into the cities electric grid and get free cable and electricity, that part isn’t so honorable) but they are clean, they are healthy. They live their life not stealing, but using waste. They are essentially recyclers.

They were described in the book as looking like “an ivy league debate team.” They were all high intellectuals at one point and freed themselves of the shackles of a consumer-society. They do grow mushrooms (a delicacy in France, and sells for a good price) for real necessities in life that they can’t obtain “legally through bargain or trade” like prescription medication or the manure to fertilize their mushroom crops. It’s an anti-materialistic lifestyle, in the book, the “leader” of the Freegan said it was not intended to be a movement, a political statement or a cult (none of which it is) but it can be perceived that way, he made this chose of lifestyle on his own and he was passionate about it and anytime you’re passionate about something, you share it with others and if you can speak well your ideas can sound like brilliance and that’s how the “following” became.

Although I would never actually want to be Freegan, I like having a real home and my own personal possessions and safety and security. It’s a real a great idea and I can see how it attracted so many followers. It’s a romantic idea and if I didn’t describe it well enough read the book because Lee Goldberg explains it wonderfully. It’s such a cool idea because it’s not a political movement, they don’t do protests and riot and such, they are simply living their life on our waste, which recycles it and in a sub-minded way it helps save our environment. We should be able to waste less, I am always inspired by this thought, however I’m horrible at maintaining it.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

why Friends, was and only is one of the best sitcoms on television ever.

1. everyone could relate with at least one of the characters, everyone could refer to themselves as a "rachel" or a "monica" or "i'm a mix of rachel and phoebe" few shows have this oppurtunity

2. and thats because most shows and sitcoms don't have 6 main characters, more often than not the cast is a family (king of queens, according to jim, grounded for life, george lopez, yes dear) occasionally an office (spin city, the drew carrey show, the office) but the show is just about 6 friends and they are such completely different characters that it really reaches audiences

3. there was so much reality to the show, there were scenes when the cast was just watching tv, something that real people really do, and most shows the tv is an after thought its what the actor turns off when someone else walks in the room. They were eating breakfast, not as a scene but just because the scene was taking place in the morning and thats what people would be doing.

4. they approached many different topics, I always loved that they could talk about sex in a funny way, in a way that was appropriate for kids (apart from sex and the city or any other HBO or cable show) i remember some adult made a comment once about how friends is a dirty show because they have pre-marital sex, as a kid, i never even noticed it.

5. they fought, theres two parts about this that i love the first part is that they would have real fights and they wouldnt talk and they would be over issues that real people would fight over whether it was a valid reason or something ridiculous. and the second is that they could say real and almost hurtful things to each other and they could laugh it off, something that REAL friends can do, when they are close enough.

6. it wasnt the kind of show that was against change (for instance gilmore girls could never seem to marry off Lorelai, they coudnt change the theme of the show) they put two of their main characters together and it exploded into a marriage (and theres always someone who ends up getting together or getting married in a group, no group of friends stays single forever) they married outside (phoebe, ross) but they also didnt think "of they all need to be married off, and joey stays single by the last episode)

7. they had great special apperances from julia roberts, bruce willis, paul rudd, robin williams, christina applegate, brad pitt, resse witherspoon, billy crystal, and more. most shows get lucky if they can even get a special apperance and if they do its no where near as good as the ones friends was able to achieve

8. they don't play a laugh track after every sentence, the new shows drive me crazy with that. friends is shot in front of a live audience, sometimes its a real laugh but sometimes the crowd laughs too hard and they have to edit it and put in a fake shorter laugh (but that means they are putting in laugh tracks when its not funny.)

9. they always had more than one thing going on in the show. joey has a story happening and ross and rachel have a story and monica has a story, theres some episodes that i dont really care for the story that involves chandler but the story with phoebe is hilarious and i think thats a really smart way to always keep everyone interest, they really have 6 chances for you to like a story.

10. their characters grew. from promotions, to children, to marriage, its pretty complicated. Rachel started with no job, worked at the coffee shop, got a job at a horrible fashion place, bloomingdales, ralph lauren and then had a toss up between gucci and louis vuitton. ross worked at the museum, went on sabatical, started teaching. none of them stayed with the exact same job for the whole 10 years and that was the smartest thing because most people don't stay in the same job for 10 years.

one, two, three, four I declare thumb war.

Biggest Accomplishment Lately: well 1.) I made dean's list last quarter and I think I'll make it again this quarter. and 2.) I finished and did what I think is a really great job on my Pakistan Community Center

Biggest Disappointment this week: I gave my big presentation on my Pakistan Community Ceter that i've been working on for the last three months and because of an unfortunate series of events I ended up going last and therefore everyone was so exausted (after 18 presentations and about 6 hours) I got NO feedback and that really upsets me.

Newest Revelation: I just realized I love books (not the new revelation) but I really dont like fiction. All the books I've read in the last couple years have been biographies or Hunter Thompson - which is debatable on its truth but since its perceieved as true I love it.

Newest Interest: Science. and I really thank my Science Class I was in and the professor who taught it, I never really liked science but he taught it in such a great way that at the book store today I saw a book on the big bang theory and actually wanted to read it.

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1. the more science I learn, the more "facts" that are supported with real evidence and research the more I stray away from religion.

2. the more I read Hunter Thompson the more I want to read Hunter Thompson

3. i'm amazed when people dont know who HST is, too me thats like not knowing who your mother is.

4. my parents are amazing.

5. my dog is amazing. hes so freaking cute I look at him and smile and although it can be debatable on his behaviour when i'm not around, when I am around hes the perfect dog.

6. "Kylee look its your boyfriend, Jon Stewart" "no no, hes my husband" "hes already married" "no, hes not, hes married to me, i cant be his girlfriend, i wouldnt want to encourage a marital affair." i'm so considerate

7. i'm scared for my future. graduation. job searching. apartment searching. ahhh the real world.

8. i'm scared for our worlds future. and i dont think its going to get any better. not enough that needs to anyways.

9. I'm going to be pissed if Obama doesnt get re-elected for a second term if its based off things like cap and trade and other "unpopular/inconvienent" but NECCESARY things we need to do.

10. well im going to be pissed if he doesnt get reelected regardless. if Bush got a second term Obama better fucking get a second term. and fucking was a very important word for me to use there.

11. I hate TV shows...err how do i explain this, I dont know what the kind of show is called. the opposte of a sitcom? a show you have to watch each week, i hate that. even LOST i never watched on cable I ordered the season disks but even then, I hate being addicted to it. people are always telling me "watch this show" but getting hooked on a TV show is like being addicted to drugs. plus when its over your all bummed out, its not something you want to watch over and over (like friends or seinfeld) you go crazy not knowing what happens next, and it takes forever its not like a movie that takes up to 2 hours. so please, dont recommend or tell me to watch TV shows its actually started to become a huge pet peeve of me.

12. oh also, i have a cell phone, i use it often. but if it dies, so what. sometimes i turn off the ringer, sometimes i leave it in the other room. i dont keep my phone in my hand at all times. dont get mad at me if you cant get ahold of me.

13. dont argue politics, religion, science, really anything you dont know enough about. and dont be too ignorant to say "i dont know that much about this..."

14. I hate fox news, for everything they couuld ever possibly say they actually criticized Obama for being on the gulf coast in "fancy pants" / dockers (in a rolled up, buttoned down button up shirt) HES THE PRESIDENT. what do you expect him to wear?! i really hate fox news. HOW are they still on the air and considered a viable news source

15. i hate Sarah Palin. shes on the cover of newsweek, I didnt get a chance to look at the article but by the title of the article its not against her.

16. i really dont like steven colbert. i find him annoying and full of himself.

Future. Goals & Deadlies.

Right now I'm in a career development class. It's pretty basic we go over our resumes, business cards, interviewing skills, owning your own business etc. One of our assignments was to create 10 personal goals and 10 business goals. 20 freaking goals. thats A LOT of goals. right away I knew I would struggle with it I think only 4-5 of each list were honest, the rest were bullshit and for one very small reason.

I think Goals are bullshit. for me I have a CLEAR distinction between dreams and goals. and it is a very thick solid line. to me "traveling" is not a goal, its a dream. "owning my own home" is a goal. I think my biggest defininitional difference is reality, practicality and importance. One day I will own my own home, its practical, its real and its important. If I don't travel my life doesn't go to shit. thats the difference.

I have a problem with putting things like "marriage" and "kids" on a goal list. I have a bigger problem with "Marriage" ESPECIALLY when you put deadlines on your goal list. "I am going to be married by the time i'm 25" all that does is 3 possible things. 1.) makes you settle. 2.) sets you up for failure and 3.) probably sends you into divorce. I'm not saying you can't be married at 25 to your soulmate and live happily after BUT I think if you desire it in that way, you just might be. How do you know when you're going to fall in love? If you expect happiness comes from a companion and a soulmate and love - you're going to be unhappy when you don't have it. But no where does it ever say you have to be in love and married to be happy, and at whatever age. You can be happy doing whatever you want, with whomever you want.

this is where my animostiy towards life deadlines comes from. (in work and small tasks I love deadlines, I'm a big fan of lists and crossing things off) but when it comes to life I don't believe in deadlines. deadlines are dead. could you imagine if we knew when our lifeline deadline was? if we knew when we were going to die? just think of how different you would live your life. and don't be mistaken, you would live your life differently. you would save differently, you would plan differently, and that would alter you're entire exsistence.

When I handed in my "ten personal goals" and "ten business goals" the one remark my professor wrote was "deadlines" and i wanted to cringe. My main reason for not putting deadlines is because if you do put deadlines and you don't make that deadline you not only failed but you've given up and you will settle. it doesnt matter what the deadline is, when its a personal deadline that you have burned in your brain "by the year 2020" "by the time im 30" the day you turn 30 or the day it turns 2020 could be a very sad day.

i'm not a pessismistic person at all, I'm actually quite optimistic but I'm a someone who always looks at the big picture. My lease is up in 6 months and I have already thought of what my sister and I will split up, what my plans are. I am a natural planner and organizer of my life. (my life is quie put-together and i'm quite organized beneath my slobbiness I think I harbor from my father) I know I have these goals "out there" but to be there is no method of what I accomplish first and how soon or how long it takes.

I think deadlines are just too depressing when it comes to things like goals and life plans. my goals in life are to graduate college, work in an architectural firm in seattle, own a downtown condo and my life is not going to be any different if i do this all within two years or it takes me five years.

I have no idea where my life is going, no one does, its people who try and predict life that think they need these deadlines. when I look back on the last few years every year has been COMPLETELY different from the next. I am young, I change, my life changes, our world is changing. I would rather know I have these goals and to go with the flow of life than pressure myself into a sense of failure.

Obama, The Oil Spill and My Opinions

The three big O's on today’s mind.

The oil spill first off, is not only ridiculous it’s shameful -- not that it happened, but that it’s taken THIS long to not even just be resolved but to have ANY progress on. I think I would even have more respect if they had made several failed attempts. But they – (“they”) sit in meetings all day long trying to figure out what would be the best idea, then they sit on the ideas overnight, a couple days and then they have more meetings and its really despicable the way they acting with no urgency. I can understand their position in not wanting to make a wrong move but honestly – could it get that much worse? (Although in saying that, I know it could, but in this sense of urgency wouldn’t you want to try something?)

But the reason I am writing this is because of all this blame on Obama. Now it’s no secret I’m not only a fan of Obama, I am a follower and – whatever I am in response to him being my hero and idol – that’s what I am. I follow his political career and although I’m sure I have a biased eye – I know when he has done something wrong, I don’t deny his mistakes but I keep my faith in him.
In this case, I would like to unbiased-ly say that I don’t think Obama has done anything wrong. Granted he hasn’t necessarily done anything “right” but that doesn’t make him wrong. What I have to look at is the alternatives. If you are someone who is unhappy with Obama during this oil spill situation – what exactly did you want him to do? Money is not the issue here. Legislation and politics really plays no part at all - it is solely ideas and maybe resources. Do you expect Obama to know more about science and oil drilling than the professionals he and we have employed to know all about? Do you expect Obama to go down to Louisiana and swim down and plug up the leak on his own? He has done all that he can, as a president, can do. Regardless of what kind of president he is. A democratic president, a republican president, a horrible president, a good president. He is a politician, he is a leader, and I’m making this point not to make him sound inferior or “that’s all he is” I want to point it out because I know there are people out there who are thinking that he should have this higher intelligence and he should know exactly how to solve this problem. And the truth is – he shouldn’t.

He has halted the progress of all the other off-shore drilling we had planned for our future and I would like to predict that they probably won’t happen at all – not anytime soon and if they do happen it will be when we know exactly how to solve big crisis’ and it will be with big changes in regulations for these drills. He has pushed and leaned on BP as far as he can – what do you want him to do – hold a gun to their head?

A lot of people have been saying “Obama this is your Katrina” well if it is, I think he’s done his job. Don’t forget when Bush was in the white house and Katrina happened – calls were not made, decisions were not made, Bush himself didn’t even get to Louisiana for three days after it happened. These are two completely different situations if you’re looking at whether or not the president did his job.

Because again, I ask you, what was Obama supposed to do, that he didn’t do?

The Kitchen Readings

I know I have been abent from the blogosophere for quite some time now and I will get around to getting back to the other blogs in the circle as soon as finals are over.

surprsingly though, in the mist of my craze of stress and homework I always found time to read. mainly because it was my "get away" and it kept me sane. but also mainly because the book I happened to be reading was amazing. you guys have heard me post blogs "still reading..." it took me like 9 months to read that book about Howard Hughes (which i loved! but still couldnt just sit down and read it.) but this book was different.

this book is called 'The Kitchen Readings' its written by Michael Cleverly and Bob Braudis. Never heard of them? don't worry you shouldn't know them, they aren't writers and although Cleverly is an artist, they aren't famous. They were two of the best friends of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson and this book is full of stories about the great HST.

its in a completely different light though. its not all about his gonzo, firearms, illegal actions, drug snorting, alcohol using lifestyle. its in there, but in a completely admirable way somehow. you're reading these stories and the underlying "facts" come out that this guy is an asshole, this guy is crazy. But the way they write about him, and the way they describe who he truly is -- you find it all funny, charming, endearing, its really quite amazing.

I'm writing this blog, because I just finished the book (it took me 2 weeks to finish this book, in the heat of finals, stress, weird sleep patterns, I finished the book. They cleverly organized the stories somewhat choronically and with purpose. the last two chapters are about hunters death, which i was completely unaware of.

I knew HST had died, but through this book I learned how recently and the moment I started crying was when I read that Hunter took his own life. the book goes back and forth between stories from Cleverly and Braudis and the very last 2 chapters talk about the last time they were with Hunter when he was alive. Braudis was with Hunter the very night before and both of them recalled Hunter being in a great mood, having fun, what they referred to as "vintage" Hunter the last time they saw him.

Hunter had a spinal replacement surgery and that took a huge toll on him and what really started all his medical pain and "problems" he went through a horrble detox when he was in the hospital from alcohol and his drugs and the physical therapy rehab after he was released was just as painful as not doing anything. Braudis recalls nights when they would sit in front of the fire and Hunter would tell him about the stresses of his life - i guess an insight of why he ended up doing what he did. I think ultimately though it was the pain (physical medical pain)

the one thing I have to say though is that as much of a Hunter fan as I have always been ever since I read "Rum Diary" I always took Hunter for someone I would want to read about, and even maybe watch in a movie, but never someone I would want to meet, I always took him for this total junkie, asshole, out of control nut (which to some credit he is) but these "untold stories" provide a completely different side to him, in that he is someone I would completely want to meet and be friends with and I would want to sit in his kitchen with him and be part of that circle (Hunters kitchen was the "headquarters" and was where they all hung out and just sat around and discussed politics and everything else)

and so when I read about his death and how his friends felt. I was actually bawling, so much I couldnt see the words on the page. I had fallen in love with this man through these stories.

Michael Cleverly had two read great passages I just had to write down and now I want to share them

"perhaps when we age and our senses become less acute, our vision and hearing dim. its so that when we finally leave this world, we won't miss it so much."

and my favorite

"people are still reading Hunter, as they have been for decades. I dont know if his books have ever gone out of print. One reason people read him is because he was very funny. he was very funny because he was very smart and because he was honest. Hunter was a 68 year old man who spoke to young people. he was a boozer and a druggie who spoke to people who never embraced booze or drugs themselves and he was a liberal who spoke to people whose political learnings were far away from his own. we all recognized that there was something in Hunter hat we could only hope to see in ourselves; an utter lack of hypocrisy. when Hunter was being brutally honest with those around him it could sometimes be unpleasant but he was just as honest about himself. he didnt sugarcoat it."

the part i bolded was the part that I felt like jumping up and saying "that's me! that's me!" I always fear that people who dont understand what it is like to read Hunter will judge me when they know hes a druggie and a boozer thinking that I commesorate with him or have something in common with him. because I dont have a single thing in common with him other than our share for politics and stories.

needless to say. I highly recommend this book. I feel like in some ways some of the stories have actually maybe changed my life. which could launch me into a whole nother' blog and this one is long enough.

Overly Sanitary vs. Saving The Planet

I am known to be one to watch television, quite a lot of television actually, and I actually quite like commercials (good ones anyways, and ones they don't play 1,000 times so they drive you crazy) and I started noticing a trend in commercials and new products on the market. well two trends actually the first being Green, of course. and the second being what I can only call "overly sanitary" from swiffer mops to dryer sheets... is it really necessary?

lets start with the big ones.

1. Swiffer Mops - Now I use a swiffer, I love it, its really clean and I have a thing to be able to see the dirt I've just removed, its like a sense of accomplishment or something - but at the same time you have to put new pads on the "mop" every time you use them. you throw them away after you're done and without research I still say with a fine amount of certainty that those pads are not either compostable or biodegradable and they end up sitting in landfills.

Alternative: Real Old fashioned mops with the yarn or sponge heads; you do need a bucket of water and some kind of soap though.

Necessity: High

2. Dryer Sheets - now is the need to "fluff" your clothes or make them smell nice really all that important? does the static bother you that much? cause I gotta tell you, I haven't been using dryer sheets for months now; my clothes still smell good from my laundry detergent, i dont find I need them "fluffed" and I've never been shocked by static.

Alternative: Don't use them. OR I have seen a new product where you stick this "thing" in your dryer (im thinking its magnetic) for about 3-4 months and it acts as a dryer sheet each time you run your dryer. i believe its made out of plastic which is normally recyclable

Necessity: low

3. Paper Towels - I am totally a hypocrite on the subject of paper towels. they are the worst thing on the planet, yet I do use them, there is a sanitary aspect there, you use your towel or sponge that you've also used to wipe up raw meat, fresh vegetables I mean it just can't be sanitary. but your killing innocent trees; couldn't we wash our towels more often and have designated sponges?

Alternative: sponges, towels, and cloth napkins

Necessity: medium

4. Floss - I thought of this one the other night as I go on about these "cleaning" products I never stopped to think outside of the box. Floss- we need/use a new piece (usually pick a strand longer than needed) every time we floss and then throw it away. now my argument is this whole "disposable" idea however I don't know what happens to floss. its relatively almost microscopic; even if wasn't biodegradable i don't know if it would have any harm on the environment but its an interesting thought, isn't it?

Alternative: rotting teeth

Necessity: HIGH

5. Toilet Paper - again, like the floss, its on the same level however this isn't about the waste this is about the creation; do we really need to kill trees so we can wipe our bums? surely there are better alternatives out there, I'm not for the idea of using a cloth and rewashing them and the idea of a bidet is just different -- but whatever the alternative is going to be is going to be different than what we are used to.

Alternative: cloths, bidets and -- not using anything.

Necessity: high

those are my ideas. the end. can you think of any others?

Stephen Hawking; How The Universe Works

So I wanted to really start a discussion about this whole thing because it was so intriguing to me. In my science class (my last Gen Ed of class! woo hoo!) we always start class by what science has been in the news and occasionally we bring up specials that come on the discovery channel and we talk about Stephen Hawking all the time (if you are unfamilar (cause before this class i didnt know who he was, now i notice him in the news ALL the time) but he's basically the Albert Einstein of our time and he's really quite famous having TV apperances and writing best selling books)

anyways, i just watched this special on the discovery channel 'into the universe with Stephen Hawking' basically about his point of view of how the universe was formed and then how its going to end. its actually quite fascinating because its breaking the rules of what some people have thought. he talks about the big bang theory (he believes in it fully) from the scientific point of view it makes complete sense, and he explains everything so brillantly (in COMPLETE lamans terms) which is always the true sign of a true genius (to be able to explain it everyone)

but the big discussion is this whole new confirmation of black holes (and there was a special right before this all about black holes so i got a little more education on it before i watched.) but basically a black hole is a completely real thing, i believe they have evidence and proof now and they are working on getting telescopes to work large enough to discover black holes and have visual proof.







a black hole is basically when a star burns out the energy starts disipiate and get smaller and smaller (but the energy stays the same so its smaller and smaller but just get more dense and then eventually creates this black hole where all this energy and gravity is pulling in EVERYTHING including light.) the theory that black hole is a portal that can transport you is just a theory and just a myth but some scientist say it could be possible, they just think it seems unlikely that if you end up in a black hole you die (although I think if there is that much energy in the center of this black hole - how would you survive?) and in the special before hawkins someone suggested that we could be living in a black hole







now I agree with him when it comes to the "creator" (i read online he doesnt talk about it much but he is truly agnostic; the i dont know religion) and people believe that God created this perfect world in this universe with a perfect sun (its just so unique that we live on a planet that has all the elements we need to live, from the perfect distance from the sun, with a sun that is big enough to burn for as long as we truly need it.) but his explanation was along the lines that there were several solar systems like this; but one solar system the sun was too close and it didnt last, another that didnt have enough hydrogen and it didnt last and ours was just the one that ended up getting everything and ended up working out.







but thats what makes me think (and he said something along the lines of life on others planets "but thats a whole nother story") there could easily be other life - but i just dont thik its life on other planets i think it other universes, in other solar systems and they are probably people just like us - not green 5 eyed things but it all just sounds like a good idea right now there is still the underlying cause "where did it all FIRSTTTTTT come from" the stars from the very beginning, everything before the big bang, where did THAT come from.







its actually still on right now and hes talking about how Mars is truly the next step (and Obama just passed some kind of bill to do more research about Mars and having life on Mars (I joked with my science class thats where we will put all the criminals (but it goes from 80 degrees to negative 120 degrees within a matter of minutes) but mars has no ozone layer to protect it from radiation and people might have to live under ground or in protective domes (basically living conditions wouldnt be great) but hes talking about ways of changing Mars to make it habitable and give it what we need.







the reason that mars is such an important research of "can we live here" is because (well in my opinion, we are running out of space due to growing population, and how we are slowly killing our planet) someday we might actually need to live there but "armageddon" is completely real - it has happened before and it will happen again but we dont know when its going to happen and theres nothing we can do to stop it, so we kind of need an evacauation plan - we need to be ready.







another issue is that the sun gets hotter and brighter by 6% every billion years and in another some billion years the earth will be -- well not the earth. (thats an adaption of what hawking said.) and the sun will get bigger and bigger and will eventually (billions of years from now) will obleteroate the earth

apparently there is a planet in another universe that is just like ours (all the same elements that provide us the ability of life) and there planet and sun is larger than ours...the problem is that its 20 light years away (with a certain theortical rocket) we could get to "lisa" (maybe its "glisa") which travels 11,000 miles a second but it would still take 320 years to get there.

the rocket that would travel to glisa's biggest problem is going to be financial - the generation now would pay for it and then never see it again (because it takes so long to get there we would all die before we knew anything) and so they say that the people going on the rocket would have to finance it but with the average light expectancy of only 75 no one would survive the whole trip they would have to bring children and reproduce large amounts along the way (which im sure would bring upon other problems im sure no one has ever 1.) gotten pregnant in space 2.) been pregnant in space and 3.) given birth in space.

its all such interesting discussion and it refreshing to hear these kind of off-the-walls suggestions and theories from the smartest man on our planet.

a not so lazy day

Pictures: I was searching through my pictures looking for something to post when I found that picture of Jo and I and I decided to do a tribute of fun pictures to my fam. they got out of intentional order but oh well.

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the first one is my Dad and I - it was new years (the year before last) and we had a murder mystery party (so thats the reason for the outfits) and it had just hit midnight which was kind of a big moment for us because it was exactly one year before that I had just been admitted to the hospital (yup new years eve) before we knew I had lupus. I like this picture because it was midnight the year before that dad was sleeping on a hospital chair while I was passed out in a hospital bed; it was a fun new years. haha.

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the next one is of my Uncle B (jojos hubby) and Oliver when he was still pretty young (this was from my birthday in July)
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the next picture pretty much sums up my sister and I - this was christmas, and i made that sweater for my dad as an ugly sweater contest for work LOL.
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the next one is my mom and I, I loveeee this picture because were both laughing and its fun, she hates it for some reason. haha.
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then Jojo and I, this was at the mandolin cafe they were having an open mic night so jojo, brian and I went when I happened to be in town one weekend and the glasses are these joke glasses my sister had from work which is why im laughing so hard.

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MENU OF MY DAY:

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Eating: an apple, (don't get excited about my healthy choice, it was only followed by a million other snacks from prednizoning)

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Drinking: A bottled water (yet again dont get excited, it was followed by 2 diet cokes.)

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Listening: I've abandonded my playlist and I'm just listening to my Ipod and shuffling through the songs I dont really like - Currently listening to Coldplay - Everythings Not Lost

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Feeling: Excited, Anxious, Relieved, Accomplished, Proud.

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New Goal: to pull a Julia/Julie but instead of cooking one recipe a day and blogging about it, i'm going to watch one movie everyday and blog about it- well i'm actually giving myself 5 movies a week (because monday and thursdays i have class from 12:30-10:00pm so i dont have time to watch any movies.) but I reactivated my netflix and upgraded to 2 movies at a time and i've already watched 2 :)

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New Stress: my global design project; everyone in the class got a different country and we are all designing a community center that serves the needs for the community we choose within the country.

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I got Pakistan and then I chose Islamabad as my location -- normally as a designer we get a program (basically a list of all the rooms.) because everyone is in a completely different country we are creating our own program and for that reason as well we are designing the building from scratch (usually we are given a building and we do a "remodel")
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So to start everything from a completely blank slate was completely overwhelming and having a country like a Pakistan it was hard to isolate and concentrate on the problems i could actually address (i was trying to save the world with this community center until my professor finally grounded me.) I finally decided to close in one major problem the country has (that I can actually address) and thats lack of healthcare and immunizations. 1/10 children in Pakistan don't live to see their 5th birthday and they are dying of ridiculous things like diarhea and other preventable things. they also have 100,000 cases of polio in Pakistan and 20,000 new cases every year so I thought it was really important to include an immunization clinic to prevent this kind of thing.

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So at this point (after hoursssss of redesigning what I already had designed I think I offically have a final program and "final" floorplans and I'm starting to feel really good about the project.

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thats my day. the end.

SoapBox it.

photo: I'm not sure of the photographer but Seattle held a competition for people to submit their favorite photos of Seattle (they had so many entries they ended up choosing ten winners and this was one of the ten.) this is personally one of my favorite because it doesn't idolize the needle which really isn't something that important to us locals, I think this photo is something that really captures the essence of Seattle, the real identity of how Seattle is an Urban city in the middle of true environment (that being Mt. Rainer in the background.)
I couldn't decide what LOST boy to choose so I avoided that all together, lol

Menu of my day

Drink: Fanta Strawberry - So yum.

Eat: Strawberries, they aren't the greatest but its hard to find really great strawberries these are mediocre.

Music: oldschool U2 "with or without you" right now

Read: still reading the really awesome Hunter S Thompson book that was gifted to me 'Curse of Lono' it has illustrators from Ralph Steadman (if your a HST fan you'll know all about him as well, they were drug buddies, pretty much, lol) its really cool though I like the book more as a collectors item than the story itself.

SoapBox: I've had my first big bum-out from Obama. (I know shocker that I would even admit to having one lol) but Nuclear Power Plants. I just think its a big mistake, I personally feel like its a step backward. If you are unfamiliar; Obama basically is giving $8 billion dollars to basically start up nuclear power plants again (which by definition is "energy harvested by nuclear reaction" that is of course non-explosive chemical reactions.)

it is technically safe for the environment (as long as their is no "mistake" "leak" -- basically an explosion.) nowadays NPP are built in overly protected buildings the walls are like 3 FEET thick and they are basically "contained" buildings so if there was a mistake or explosion (like what happened on 3 mile island in Pennsylvania) everything was completely contained in the building, the cleanup has been long and expensive but the area is still habitable where as when a "mistake" happened in Chernobyl in the 80's (a NPP that was not built in a contained building) that was a HUGE explosion and the area is currently still inhabitable because of radiation (and people are still affected by radiation poisoning)

now the idea and the reasoning is that we need to have so many possible ways of creating and harvesting energy, we are after all in an energy crisis and Nuclear Power is considered a sustainable method and safe.

HOWEVER, the waste from nuclear power is around for 10,000 YEARS, we are in an energy crisis but we are also in a waste crisis where we are trying to reduce waste and become sustainable, and here we are harvesting power that creates 10,000 years of wastes?

my objection doesn't just come from these facts, my objection comes from our alternatives. We have already discovered great ways to harvest energy from Wind Turbines, Microhydro Turbines (harvest power from moving water) Photovoltaics (solar panels) others that aren't quite as popular or effective-- (interestingly enough in the study of interior design we study a lot of this and I've taken a whole class on sustainability and we spent weeks and weeks just on energy harvesting.) So why don't we use $8 billion dollars to make these even better? more innovative? why even bother with Nuclear Power anymore? (technically I've heard the argument is that the creation of the nuclear power plant has no off-gasing as the others do, and this is speaking of the buildings and equipment themselves.)

I wasn't planning on having a blog about Nuclear Power but that's where the soapbox led so we will let it be...

My Fair Maher

from this month's issue of Vanity Fair (thanks jojo for my subscription!) I'm a fan of Maher although sometimes hes past vulgar and ridiculous, his answers are pretty clever and funny! I always respect his honesty...most of the time.


Proust Questionnaire: Bill Maher

What is your idea of perfect happiness? being in love while organizing my closet

What is your greatest fear? waking up after a sleepover at John Water's house and finding my sleeping bag isn't zipped up the same way as when I passed out. or "President Palin."

What is your great extravagance? Hope.

What is your current state of mind? cautiously pessimistic




What do you consider the most overrated virtue? sobriety

On what occasion do you lie? to advance my personal agenda.

What do you dislike most about your appearance? based on your caricature on the left: everything this was his answer in the article but the picture shown above is not the caricature from the article.

What is the quality you most like in a woman? proximity

Which words or phrases do you most overuse? "its an honor just to be nominated"

When and where were you happiest? right now, here with you. let's not ruin it by talking

Which talent would you most like to have? the ability to bullshit

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? my desperate need to be liked

What do you consider your greatest achievement? staying on the air

What is your most treasured possession? my freedom

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? thinking of the right thing to say - later.

What do you most value in your friends? non-disclosure

What historical figure do you most identify with? Paul Revere

Who is your favorite hero of fiction? Jesus of Nazareth

What is it that you most dislike? Hypocrisy, animal cruelty, and yams.

What is your greatest regret? its a tie between muttonchop sideburns and believing Judith miller. Honorable mention: Lehman Brothers - thanks a lot, assholes.

How would you like to die? surrounded by my enemies, holding a grenade.

What is your motto? "Religion is bad, drugs are good."

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Proust Questionnaire: Modern Hippie
What is your idea of perfect happiness? success in love, work and family

What is your greatest fear? being shot and killed for a gang initiation, what a horrible way to go.

What is your great extravagance? optimism

What is your current state of mind? hopeful

What do you consider the most overrated virtue? impartiality; there is no such no thing we will always be partial to an argument we will always have a smidgen of bias

On what occasion do you lie? when the truth will only cause problems

What do you dislike most about your appearance? currently? my prednisone induced chubby cheeks.

What is the quality you most like in a man? his music selection

Which words or phrases do you most overuse? "I'm not a fan of..."

When and where were you happiest? I prefer to think that time is in my future (not that I didn't have happy memories in my past I just don't like to dwell on the past, whats the point on dreaming of yesterday?)

Which talent would you most like to have? something musical; singing, playing piano or guitar

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? probably appearance related because otherwise I'm pretty happy with who I am, I know I have my negative aspects but I wouldn't want to change them.

What do you consider your greatest achievement? my education; doing running start and now getting my bachelors degree in 3 years!

What is your most treasured possession? Oliver.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? being hungry on prednisone and not being able to eat or not having anything to eat

What do you most value in your friends? honesty and humor

What historical figure do you most identify with? Obama. he may not be considered a historical figure yet (probably because hes still alive) but he is definitely already writing history books so i'm picking him.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction? fiction? i don't do much with fiction i prefer real people...

What is it that you most dislike? mushrooms, olives, Obama-haters and spam email

What is your greatest regret? I honestly do not believe in regret. its another "whats the point?" ideal, you cant go back in time and change anything so you might as well spend that time fixing what you are regretting...

How would you like to die? either of lupus or of old age, just seems logical.

What is your motto? i can't think of one right now but I certainly don't share Maher's motto... :)




Share your Proust Questionnaire :)

Happy Birthday Oliver

A shrine of pictures to the one thing in my life that can always cheer me up. After a whole year from being a tiny little furball that couldnt even get down from my bed (which isnt even a foot off the ground.) to leaping and running around the house. after a bad eye infection, worms, and an embarrasing haircut he is still the best thing around. He loves me unconditionally just as much as I love him!! (with hair or not, although most of it is growing out pretty nicely now!)

Society Doesn't Ask Questions, But I Do...

picture: my cousin Josh and I as little kids.


sometimes under the influence of Ambien (before I am knocked out to sleep) I have these great Epiphany moments and sometimes I'm smart enough to write them down and I had this one saved in my phone



"society doesn't ask questions but I do and that's why I'm being haunted by things that have no answers"



I have always been someone, even as a little kid, who asked a lot of questions and didn't accept answers that didn't seem legitimately logical. As a kid, I was raised as a catholic, my parents are pretty religious underneath their exterior (they aren't religious radicals and they won't preach to you but they go to church every Sunday and they practice Christianity to its fullest extent.) as a kid I went to church every Sunday as well, I went to CCD classes and I always hated it but it wasn't because I just found it boring, its because as I got older I found I disagreed with so much of the church and what the priest was saying every Sunday. I remember as a little kid they were teaching us how to pray and they were telling us that basically you are talking to God and if you listen hard enough you will hear him respond. I remember sitting there, and "talking" to God and I told my mom "he's not answering me" and I was SO confused, I didn't get it. they said if I talked, he would answer. and of course he didn't, not in a legitimately logical way and that's when I first started realizing what religion was and what role it was going to play in my life.



I sometimes feel guilty for not have faith in religion, when I'm sick (well I'm always sick but when I'm actually in the hospital) and someone wants to pray or the priest wants to come bless me, I just can't do it because I feel guilty if the only time I pray is when I need something. Its supposed to be a give and take relationship with God not just a take and beyond that there is a part of me that thinks "what if I'm wrong? what does that mean?"



but that is where the "haunting" comes into play; religion for me is something I will never have the answers too. I can't accept religion on the basis of faith, I need concrete facts. I have always wanted and respected concrete facts and answers. Its why I love reading about dead famous people (Howard Hughes, Andy Warhol, Richard Nixon, Hunter Thompson) you get real concrete facts after people have passed away, especially Howard Hughes all the investigations they have done on him and psychological profiles and biopsies -- you would never get any of those answers when he was still alive, and most of the research of his life would never have been able to be done as well.



I suspect my fascination and need for concrete facts and answers is another reason why I love Interior Design (which in all real senses is truly Interior Architecture. - I can build a house if I want I would just have to have an architect sign off on my drawings) I love codes, I love knowing that I have to have 4" from the door jamb to the door swing. I love knowing that all standard dimensions of a door are 3' wide and that light switches are standard 6" from a door jamb. A lot of people in design hate codes and all that little stuff, I'm always the only one in my class that ever likes them - but there is just something I love about it.



but again, I am haunted. for someone who loves, needs, respects and wants concrete facts and answers I was diagnosed with a disease that has NO answers. They have no idea what lupus is, what it really does, and how it does it. They know how to treat it but they don't know how to cure it its just this big question mark and I think its just so ironic that of all people - I get it. Its a little too poetic isn't it?



society doesn't questions, but I do, and I'm haunted by it.

I wish.

my wishlist for life. for today, for tomorrow, and for everything else.
due note i am under the influence of sleeping pills that arent working so just be forewarned.

1. I wish I was one of those people who fell asleep the minute they hit the pillow, i hate, despite having a plerthera of sleeping pills to my availability i still cannot sleep but in fear of some kind of overdose I always stay strictly in obedience of the prescrption rules.

2. I wish I had a ton of money, or at least, I never had to worry about money.

3. and in that money wish, i wish i could eat out all the time, not for the sake that i dont like to cook but i always hear about these really great restaurants in seattle but i never go because i really dont have the money to go to them.

4. i wish i had great legs. of all body parts i think legs are the sexiest and i definitley dont have them, even if i tried and worked out really hard the way i'm built, i have big thick legs and i dont find them sexy in anyway. not to mention im ridiculously white (because i cant tan in the sun) and i bruise ridiculously easily on my mediciations - i look like i get beat up on the daily.

5. i wish i had perfect health.

6. i wish i had my own car again, its starting to annoy me that i dont have my car when i want it. my sister tends to have first priority, if she wants to make plans after work she can because she alreayd has the car. and then if i have things i need to do and it messes with her schedule she gives me crap - which pisses me off. its MY car. and sharing a car with her is becoming a problem for me trying to volunteer for habitat for humanity and finding a job

7. people would understand what health care reform truly means.

8. i could think of more things to list so i could end on number 10 but i cant. so tough.

goodnight.

I dont feel like blogging but I feel like story-telling.

pictures: from my Cousin Jonathan in Scotland again.

Mood: relaxed but anxious

Current Annoyance: I am somehow starting to catch a cold or get sick, its minor right now just a tickle in my throat thats making me cough a little I've had two bottles of Emegen-c already so I'm hoping I can nip it before it turns into a real cold!!

Pat on my back: I fixed my toilet all by myself!! I'll tell the story below, its actually pretty funny. I was so proud of myself though! It was broken for a whole day!

Music: Magnet - Lay Lady Lay

Television: The Office - Pearl I wish you loved this show, I feel like your missing out on good laughs and smiles

Quote of the Week: "I have always been intrigued by all things international. The Women, The Pancakes, The Man of Mystery." Michael Scott - The Office

Food: I had a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner, it always sounds better than it ever really is. then I had some applesauce, with my emergen-c.

Drink: Orange Juice, and 2 bottles of Emergen-C I'm on the right path, right?!

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The Toilet Story

So were going to skip what actually happened to the toilet, I think you can figure it out! haha So anyways, I flush the toilet and the water goes EVERYWHERE. I don't mean it overflows a little and stops running I mean the toilet is litterally running, and running, and running, I immediatley grab my shower rug and everything and throw it into my bedroom and grab towels to block the water from hitting the carpet thats right by the door to my bedroom (the door to my bathroom is just a pocket door and just has a small metal strip from the laminate to the carpet)

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so I freak out, the water is litterally ankle deep in my bathroom and the dogs are trying to play in the water and I don't have time to try and punish them or get them out so, knowing NOTHING about a toilet and only knowing what i've watched on TV (quite frankly what I'm remembering from a 'Sex and the City' episode when Aidan is moving out of the apartment) I take the top of the tank off the toilet I somehow just try and grab something and I pull up on something that stops the water from running.

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I call my dad to try and figure out what to do but his toilet is apparently different than mine and he's trying to tell me to click things and pull things that dont exisit in my tank, so I take a picture on my cell phone (thank you technology) and send it to him but its too dark so he tells me how to turn the water pump itself off, which saves me and I start messing around with all the nothing that is in the tank (its really a big tank for having so little in it, now I know why people hide things in their toilet tanks!)

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So dad's advice fails even after seeing the picture I send him on my cell phone, And I spend 2 hours trying to mop up the water on the floor, using ten, YES, TEN, towels and ringing them out in the tub and reusing them to mop up more water and using a cup to scoop up water and pour it out in the tub my arms start burning from the weight and strength my hands are raw from ringing the wet towels in my hands and i'm pissed because the toilet is STILL broken.

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luckily we do have two toilets in the apartment so midway through all this when I had to use the toilet, I was still able to do so in my sisters bathroom.

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the main problem was that I didnt have a plunger, but I got disgusting and that toilet was empty of nothing but water. but the toilet still just wouldnt flush down - after this point I start looking stuff up online, I was hoping to find specs on the toilet but the toilet was from 1994 and their website didnt have anything on their older models but I did find a website that talked about using dishwashing soap and hot water - So I tried that but nothing helped.

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so I went and got a plunger today, now it would seem like no big defeat if I used the toilet and it worked right away but it took me like 45 minutes! and when I first turned the water back on the water went all over the floor again so I had to deal with that all again.

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but when the toilet actually did flush - I was so proud of myself!

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I hope I didnt disgust you with my story : )